Driven by Distraction (Guest Blogger)

A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail from someone who wanted me to know just where she was in her journey, and why she believes dating several men at various stages is healthy, wise and amazingly fun. After reading her story and going back and forth with her via e-mail, she wanted to remain on a first name basis if I was going to run her story. I agreed because the content was just that good, and I didn't want you to miss her perspective. Listen to Faith, today's guest blogger from the United Kingdom...

I just turned 40. I’m single, never married. No kids. Fab career. Tremendous friends. I’m healthy. Genuinely happy. Not perfect, and not trying for that either. I’m honest about who I am, and who I am not. I make no apologies. I make a lot of mistakes. I also make it a point to learn and grow and find the positive. I’ve dated a lot, but this time around something is different. I’m having a ball! For the first time, I feel like I might truly be close to a special long-term partnership. Notice I said partnership, not marriage, not kids, not love. Of course I want love, but to me that's a given. I love my ex-boyfriend very much and he says he loves me. But ultimately he could not, or would not be my partner.

I am currently dating 2 men at various stages (4 dates and 2 dates) and I have one more on deck after voice mail tradings. I even have one “lapsed” suitor that has resurfaced after about a month of no contact at all. Yes it’s a lot, but I am having a very good time. I like all of these men for different reasons and each of them has a certain amount of potential (a gut feeling), so I am open and willing to be wowed. Men know when they have competition and they love it. They might even actually need it. If they want to fight for you, it's a powerful message for them. But what do I know? I am simply sitting back and being the best person I can be with all of these men, staying present and paying attention to them and to be with them.

Who inspires me? Who makes me feel safe, calm, beautiful, precious and special when I’m with them? Have they done work on themselves? Do they strive to be better (succeed at work, learn, grow, serve)? And do they execute “standard operating procedures” such as walking me to my car and asking me to notify them when I’m home safe after a date? The cool thing is when I feel myself starting to attach to one, I call another one. I don’t “save” Friday nights or any time for that matter. I don’t refrain from making other plans on my own or with friends. I’m patient but I’m not panicked. I’m not on a schedule, but I’m not wasting time either. I’m busy. My life is full and satisfying. I’d like a partner, and should he present himself to me...I’m ready because I know I deserve the very best. I deserve to be loved, cherished, treated with kindness and respect. I also deserve to be kicked in the butt and called on my garbage when necessary, and hugged on a dark cold night and assured that everything will be okay. Kids may or may not happen, marriage may or may not happen.

Diversifying not only exposes me to different men, but to different approaches, feelings, conversations and situations. It isn’t draining, it's invigorating! I keep a list and I rank them. I don’t call. I don’t get all wrapped up in one, and if I do, I focus on someone else. With this many dudes there is always a call or e-mail or text to return. Me initiating comes later in the process as a way of bolstering, encouraging, thanking and doing my part. I don’t fawn, I don’t obsess, I don’t freak out when one dude falls off because there are more where he came from. On the flip side, I’m not apologetic online if someone reaches out and we are not a match. If the guy seems lovely and well meaning, I will reply with a sincere “thank you, but no thank you.” Occasionally I will elaborate, but sometimes I simply delete. If I am not eager to respond to a man that has reached out...I trust my gut. Frankly, I rely heavily on my gut, and I know I’m usually right because its been proven time and time again. When a man gets weird or rude when I say we aren’t a match, I simply BLOCK him, and I don’t think twice. Done! Next! Not with my precious precious time and energy you don’t! As with life, in dating I truly believe it's about the journey and not the destination. In other words, it's about dating, discovery (of them and you), and fun. It's NOT about marriage and kids for me.

Wow! Can you identify with Faith? Let me hear from you, more importantly, let Faith hear from you too! It's a new year, and there's a new email address (relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com) for you to send me your questions, your comments, your booking inquiries and of course your blog submissions. In this new year, let's keep the lessons going!

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