"The One" is a person everyone is familiar with but no
one can clearly define. "The One" is supposed to be the person, the only
person, who is right for you. The one you’ll stay with forever, and the one
who perfectly matches you. Some say there is no such thing, or if
there is, we’re not very good at recognizing it. Right after countless people including myself say, "I think they're The One"...the most common thing you’ll hear any person including myself say about this
mythical figure is "I really thought they were The One". Its not a very
encouraging success rate. And yet I and millions of others keep on thinking that "The One" is
just around the corner. Love and optimism tend to go hand to hand, which
is the way it should be.
One of the most common questions women tend
to ask about men is how do they know when they’re ready to commit. How do
they know that the woman they’re with is the all-important "One". I
presume there’s also the question of when do you know the person
you’re with is not your soul mate. I suspect that’s a little
easier to figure out. For me I figured it out, but someone was going to
get hurt and there was no escaping that. However, the one I believed to be "The One" wasn't THE One. It might get confusing as well as bumpy from here on out, but I'll do my best to explain.
I felt something was missing in my relationship.
She was nice to me and for me, and we got along well but there was a specific spark missing
for me. From her perspective everything was great and moving along well.
When we would meet there was the hello kiss, lots of hand holding and
similar things, but it became clear to me that it wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was convicted after I fell for her and after she fell for me, but "The One" is supposed to the one with whom I learned all my relationship lessons from, so I decided to end my relationship in order to pursue where I believe I truly belong with the other. Let me make this clear...my first wife and I are NOT a couple, we both have a tremendous individual journey to take in order to improve ourselves. But for me, in what I've learned so far from her, I believe applying the lessons with God's continued help, makes me a better man hopefully for her.
My first wife prepared me for life without her. In my first blog "The Biggest Lesson Of Them All" I mentioned that she wrote in the margins of books I had for 10 years but never read until recently. It paved the way for me to change and prove to myself that I didn't need to be the bastard that I was. In my changing over these few years, I admit that I never fully moved on from her, and in retrospect, I shouldn't have gone into any relationship knowing that I wasn't able to fully commit to her. Around Thanksgiving things shifted for me, and after talking it over with my closest friends over the holidays, I wondered if I as a relationship coach had dropped the ball. Could I be someone who advises others in what to do, and how to handle certain relationship situations? It really got me to thinking, and I can say that lessons are learned by everyone. The biggest lesson is: God never intended for me to marry the wrong one after divorcing the right one. If this categorizes me as the bastard that I fight not being, then I'll get better as I continue to grow. I started this communication with you, letting you know what works and what doesn't when it comes to relationships, especially mine...so what changes from this? Nothing I guess. I come away from this not knowing where it goes from here, but I'm as human and transparent as it comes about my life. In this new year, I want to continue growing and changing and from each lesson learned, I want to apply it to the right "one"...
8 comments:
Well said #aj
So when all else has failed start over from the beginning? Seems to me that you need to work on your relationship with yourself. Just my opinion from a now confused former reader - Angel L.
Your confusion may be in trying to do it like me instead of doing what works for you. If it doesn't work for you, then don't do it. That's the lesson I take away from this. I understand if you no longer wish to read along Angel. If you can find perfection in who writes to you, by all means follow them. But I'll be here, imperfections and all when you feel you can't find that person.
Im glad you respond. I don't think anybody is perfect not at all I just choose to take my relationship advice from somebody who can actually maintain one. Thank you. Angel L.
Good luck with that Angel, I mean that. Like I said, these are lessons that I've learned from being married and divorced which means there are failures as well as success stories. Such it is in relationship life.
Good blog bro! Sounds like you both knew. Break ups happen. Lessons learn. Hope you both find what you want - DC
Interesting ... Hopefully you can become a better man for yourself and not focus on becoming the man for her. I think the focus should be on you being better, relationship or not. Learn how to be whole by yourself is the best advice I ever received. I pass it on to you, sounds like you can use it. Good luck
As a brother who's been where you at man let me say this fix you man don't focus on getting another woman focus on getting you right first. I used to feel like I had to always have a woman and a woman on standby for me to feel happy but you just keep messing over women doing it that way and you leave a trail of broken people. Get you together. Then you will attract the right one, whether your ex will have you back or not shouldn't be your focus.
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