Why is it that many women say “ALL MEN ___________” when referring to their experience with men and dating? I
have a simple philosophy, until you have dated ALL MEN, and I mean
every single man who is currently roaming the planet, I think it’s
unfair to label and pigeon-hole “All Men” for the mistakes and behaviors
of some jerks. I’ll be the first to admit that there are a lot of
guys out there who don’t know how to treat a woman. I also know there
are a lot of guys out there who aren’t emotionally available and have
no freakin’ clue how to be in a relationship. There are more than
enough guys who only care about sex and don’t care what they have to
do or say to "get some". I’m a guy, I get it. But you need to understand something...these guys are not men, they are boys. I have a soon to be 12 year old son, and like most soon to be 12 year old sons, they want what they want, when they want it. He lives in a very hedonistic world. When I say some men are boys, I mean they act in the same exact way as my soon to be 12 year old son. Anyone
who denies that there are some immature and selfish boys out there, who
don’t care how their choices affect a woman is a fool. There most certainly are those type of people out there, and truth be told, when I was in my 20’s and 30's I had my share of hedonistic moments too. Fortunately for me
I grew up, became a man, and life has taught me there was more to a
relationship than just sex. Now don’t get me wrong, I love sex just as much
as the next guy, but sex is only one piece of the puzzle.
And
while we’re on it, let me disapprove this "all men want is sex" myth. Here’s
the deal: A boy only cares about sex, but a man cares about sex and “more”.
What's that more? Well, it’s simply the ability to experience a better
and happier life. I wasn’t born with a vagina, and I won’t claim
that I can understand what it’s like to be a woman. But after growing up
with women in my house and having several good friends who are female, I was able to get a good understanding of what goes on in the
mind of a woman. This helped me because I was able to see that men and women simply are wired differently. We both want the same thing (to be happy), but the way we go about it is completely different. Women
are brought up to believe that they are the princess, and they need
the knight in shining armor to come rescue them so they can live happily
ever after. Well, us men are brought up to believe that we are the knights who must provide and protect our damsels in distress. I
believe it is this programming that makes dating and relationships so
difficult. Women look to men to make them happy, and men think they are
responsible for a woman’s happiness. Well, guess what…they’re both
wrong!
I learned a long time ago that you can’t make someone else happy, but you can make them happier. You
can take the most miserable woman in the world, the one with a whole
closet full of baggage, give her the greatest guy in the world, and
she will never be happy. In fact, very often the great guy will
exacerbate her feelings and insecurities and cause her to feel even
worse. Now let me say
this works both ways too. If you take a guy who is a jerk and you give him
the greatest girl in the world, he will become a bigger jerk. He will do
everything and anything to disrespect and dishonor that woman. He is not
man enough to appreciate a good woman when she comes along. A
good man appreciates and loves a woman who can make him happy and make
him feel good about himself. You see, men really are simple creatures. We really have two basic needs: to be happy, and to avoid drama. If
you show a man that he will be happy and his life will be drama free,
then he will want to be with you. In
my past, I have had some great lovers, but no matter how great the sex
was, I couldn’t stand being in a relationship with most of these women.
Why? Because of the drama. My life wasn’t any better, and I wasn’t any happier.
The 23 hours of pain did not outweigh the one hour of pleasure.
It’s
not just about sex for a man. Like I said earlier, sex is only one piece of the puzzle. Yes,
it is an important piece, but at the end of the day its just one
piece. If you want a great guy both in and out of the bedroom, make
sure you find out what he needs to be happy and make sure you keep
drama to a minimum. The right guy will love and appreciate you for
that and as a result he will want to be with you. Not because he has to,
but because he wants to. If you show a man that his life will be
better, and he will be happier because of your presence in his life, he
will want to be with you as well. If he doesn’t he's not a man, he's a
boy, and I suggest that you kick all boys to the curb...
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