Friday, February 8, 2013

The Attraction Series: Depth

You’ve probably asked yourself at some point “How do I attract the right guy and keep him?” Well, in my 3 part series on attraction, I've given you 3 areas which I believe can make a woman very attractive: Personality, Looks, and Depth. If you missed it or want a refresher, you can read my posts on Looks and Personality. Today, I will share with you my thoughts on Depth. I would define depth as the range, or extent of your emotions and feelings. Depth ranges from the shallow (light, fun and care-free), to the deep (serious, meaningful and heart-to-heart).

I’m sure you’ve heard someone being called “shallow”, or maybe you’ve had a “deep” conversation at some point. Now, I believe we all have the capacity to have an extensive range of depth. We are created with a range of emotions and have the ability to experience, express, feel and share things on many different levels. For some people, it may come more naturally to be able to open up beyond the shallow surface level. For others, it can be difficult to express deeper emotions and feelings. If you want to build a solid relationship, then you need to be able to navigate between the lighter side of things and the moments where you can go deep. Let me explain why this is not only attractive, but it's also necessary.

After you get past the initial attraction of looks and spend some time getting to know them and their personality, you will experience one of two things: 1) continue to get to know that person on a more intimate, deeper level, or 2) hit a brick wall of shallowness. If you hit that brick wall of shallowness, then what else is there? How can you form a good relationship? The attraction level just dropped. Doesn’t matter about your looks or personality. Without depth, you lose attraction.

As I get to spend more time talking and getting to know LaShaun again, I begin to really understand who she is beneath the surface. This is the point where her attractiveness skyrockets through the roof because I realize that I could have fun and be goofy with this woman, and then have a really deep and meaningful conversation as well. One key thing to remember is this: know when it’s okay to be a bit more fun (shallow) and when it’s more appropriate to be more serious (deep). Be socially aware of the situation. Also, let depth develop naturally between you and the person you are dating. If you’re always being serious when they are  just having fun (or vice versa) then the situation can become awkward and even annoying. The result: loss of attractiveness. Now this can work both ways. Not only do you need to be able to navigate through different levels of depth, but the person you’re dating does as well. It’s important to be able to build a safe, trusting atmosphere where this can happen. If you are able to come to the point where you can get beyond the shallow surface, not only will you be able to really connect with each other, but your attractiveness will dramatically increase.

Have fun together, be light and care-free, but also get to know what’s beneath the surface. Talk about hopes, dreams, faith and other matters of the heart and soul. This is the beginning of a foundation for a lasting relationship. Not only will you be attractive on the outside, but you’ll be attractive on the inside, and that’s what really matters in the long run.

Well that’s it for now. I hope that gives you a bit of insight on what makes a woman attractive to men...
 
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