So I’ve been thinking about what to write about next and I have come
across a lot of articles on cheating and lying. Why do men cheat? Why do
men lie? There are a lot of opinions about cheating and lying and why
people do it. Some say we just can’t help it, or that it is natural. One
article on this site says men don’t think and it’s not emotional. I
think that these excuses couldn’t be further from the truth. OK, so why
does it happen? All I can do is tell you how and why I lied and why I cheated. I don't glory in my past, but I do use my past to shed some light to help you apply a thing or two from my story. Let me give you 4 reasons why I believe it happens, and hopefully a bit of advice on how to “cheat proof” your relationship.
1) Denial.
Before we can properly tackle these issues, we first need to realize
and understand that we are ALL capable of cheating. No one is exempt
from this. Only after we recognize and admit to this can we take steps
to prevent and avoid. Denial can and will cloud your judgement. If you
believe that it can’t happen to you, then you are setting yourself up
to fall hard...VERY hard! You will miss the warning signs and find yourself caught
in a bad situation. I believe most people will have the opportunity to
cheat at some point in their lives, but if you are aware that it can happen,
then you can prevent it before it’s too late.
2) Character. Character
plays such a big role in who we are and how we treat others. Character
is built up from things like morals and values, and shows itself in your
lifestyle and how you treat other people. It is very important to date
someone who shares similar beliefs, morals and values with you. For some
people, including myself, they just care about pleasing themselves at whatever cost. Cheating and lying therefore are just a means to an end. Someone with a
strong set of morals and values will think differently viewing cheating
as the worst thing you can do to your partner. Some people find nothing
wrong with the occasional lie thinking it’s harmless, but this can’t be
further from the truth. A good relationship is built upon many things,
including trust. A simple lie can lead to a world of hurt in the future.
In the end, be a good judge of character before you get yourself in a
relationship. First, look at yourself in the mirror. Know where you
stand on the important issues. Have a good set of morals and values then
look for that in your partner.
3) Communication. I
think many people would agree that communication is the most vital key
in any good, long lasting relationship. You need to be able to have
honest, open conversations with your partner. There needs to be an
atmosphere of safety where it is OK to share thoughts and feelings
without being judged. As a man, I would say this is very important.
Women generally want someone to just listen to them. Men often
communicate to come up with solutions and resolve things. Take the time
to talk about all the important issues without being judgmental or
attacking. If you want him to open up to you, don’t react negatively or get mad. Instead, work through the issue together and be willing to compromise. Have each others interests put above your own.
If you are both thinking about the other person before yourself, then
you will both do what it takes to make each other happy. With this kind
of open and honest communication, there is no problem too big. Now
obviously this requires a level of maturity on both ends, which is why character is
so important when choosing your partner. If there is something that
makes you unhappy, or if you feel unsatisfied in any part of your life,
you need to share this with your partner so you can work through it
together. A good relationship is all about two people doing one journey
together.
4) Selfishness. As I mentioned already,
some people are all about satisfying themselves first, no matter what
the cost. This is a lesson I became familiar with and eventually learned from it a long time ago. It is important to look after yourself, but don’t do it
at the expense of others, especially your partner. A good relationship
needs to be give and take. Look at it like a bank. You need to deposit before you can withdraw. If
you both are depositing into each other first, when it comes time for
you to withdraw (because we all make mistakes and need forgiveness),
there is a balance to draw from. If you keep withdrawing from an empty
bank, eventually you’ll get into debt and in big trouble! Be conscious
of how your words and actions affect your partner. Make an effort to
satisfy their needs first. If they approach the relationship with the
same attitude, then you will both be looking after each others needs and
both be satisfied.
So, why do people cheat and lie? Like I said, I can only tell you why I did, and maybe you'll apply it to you in some way. 1) Denial: If you believe you are incapable of it, you will miss the warning signs. 2)
Lack of character: Some people just have a low set of morals and
values. 3) Poor communication: If you ignore a problem, it doesn’t go
away or fix itself. 4) Selfishness: You are just out to please yourself, no matter what the cost.
How do you prevent it?
- Admit that you are capable, then avoid situations that can lead to you lying or cheating. Be proactive about staying faithful to your partner.
- Build a strong character and look for a strong character when choosing your partner. Agree on a set of beliefs, morals and values.
- Communicate about anything and everything. There is absolutely nothing too big, or too small, to talk about.
- Put your partners needs above your own. Go out of your way to make your partner happy. If you are both looking after each others well being before your own, you will both enjoy a happy and fulfilling relationship.
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