The Lesson of Fatherhood

My son's 12th birthday is today, but last night he called me to tell me about his cake, his balloons, and the presents he received. I said to him "wow, you have a lot going on today for a guy whose birthday is tomorrow". He said "mom is thinking ahead because of the snowstorm coming". You see, Chicago will be in the middle of a potential 8 inch blizzard on his birthday, and mommy didn't want to be out trying to get things together in that kind of weather. I just had to grin and beam at her ingenuity, and have a moment of pride that she is his mom. So I wanted to type a little something out to show a little love to her, and all that she does. I know I may not be the best dad, and there were many days that I wouldn't even claim being a called a good dad. I'll never pat myself on the back for the little that I do, nor do I want to receive pats or cookies for it. It does come natural for me, although there are some who can do it better than I ever could. I Thank God that I had and still have a fatherhood model to work from. The greatest teacher I've ever had is my dad. In watching and listening to him all these years, he credits my mom for doing the heavy lifting in raising 5 kids while he was out working. And as I write this, I proudly take the lesson I learn from him and easily credit LaShaun for her role in our son's life.

Nobody ever said being a dad would be easy (and if they did, they’re lying). Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes we fall down. Sometimes we are imperfect men. But if we are to raise strong children and maintain strong families, we as men have to persevere through the difficult times. I chronicle my struggles as a dad, a husband, and a man on this blog, and while some days seem quite dark, I vow never to give up. In fact, I’ve known dark days, and I’ve had failures as a father and a husband. But I decided that I would not be defeated by my problems. My faith in God, my determination to fight for my family, and my dedication to exorcising my own demons helped me to rise from the depths of despair. And you can do it too. Men, if you’re in the midst of a struggle right now, don’t give up. Keep fighting. Keep pressing forward. Dig deep inside yourself and find the strength to overcome. You have the power to emerge victorious because your family is worth the effort.

Sadly, it doesn’t take much thought or intention to make a baby. Maybe if it did, people would consider the consequences of their actions more seriously. Maybe they might even spend more time taking themselves seriously. Becoming a father is a matter of biology (procreation 101), but becoming DAD is a determined decision! Its the trial and error, day-in and day-out effort a man makes and sticks to for the long haul. It is taking the good with the bad, and the joyous with the absolutely dreaded. It would be nice to have big muscles, have skin as tough as steel, or be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound like Superman. I used to dream daily of being able to stick to walls like Spider-Man and own The Bat-Mobile, but this just wasn’t in the cards for me, but even if I could it wouldn’t matter. As a dad, it really doesn’t matter what you look like. You can be short, tall, skinny or fat. Being a dad means wearing the hats of protector, provider, servant, administrator, caregiver and (gasp) even nurturer.There are days when you have the luxury of choice over what hat to wear, but then there are those days when the hat chooses you. Being a dad is singularly THE greatest and most meaningful experiences a man can ever have. But without out a doubt, it is also THE most challenging. If we knew what we were in for at the onset, to be in charge of another human life, guiding and grooming it from infancy to adulthood, I wager most of us would never sign up. I thank God that ignorance is bliss, and we get to learn and master our craft one day at a time.

 

Men were made to be bold and strong leaders, however our society has attempted to repress these traits. If you look at the way men (especially dads) are portrayed on TV, you’d think we were all a bunch of irresponsible, befuddled, nincompoops, who can only function with the help of a “smart” female partner, friend, or spouse. Consequently, many boys are confused and have no idea what it takes to be a real man. They seek inappropriate role models and emulate the bad behavior that they see on a regular basis. It is our duty as men, fathers, and responsible citizens to counter these negative images and raise a new generation of men who are respectful, loving, and willing to contribute to society in a positive way. If we are to achieve this goal, we must start with improving ourselves. The greatest compliment that a father can get from his son is “I want to be just like you.” That kind of pressure forces you to examine your life and look for ways to improve....

facebook.com/relationshiplessons 
twitter.com/delvinrandle