When Men Aren't Sure Of What They Want

Gina asked this question on the Relationship Lessons page on Facebook: “When a guy uses the I’m not sure what I want line, what exactly does that mean?” Well, it would seem like this ambiguous statement from a man would be a difficult thing to decipher. However, as a dating coach, let me reassure you that it’s rather simple to understand. One thing I learned through my own dating experience and with the people I have worked with is, men often tell you exactly where they are at, who they really are and what they really want. Problem is, many times women don’t know how to listen and read between the lines. Or in some cases, they actually choose to ignore the red flags that have been clearly stated, thinking things will be different this time. So, allow me to be super clear on this: When he says he is not sure what he wants, what he means is, he is not sure what he wants. Yeah I know, how could it be that simple? Well, it is. When a man doesn’t know what he wants, what he is saying is:

• I don’t know what will make me happy
• I don’t know if I want a long-term relationship
• I don’t know if I want a one night stand
• I don’t know if I want a girlfriend
• I don’t know if I want you

While he doesn’t know what he wants, here’s what you can know for sure about a man who says this to you: You risk that he will try to figure it out with you. That means he might jerk you around, not because he’s mean or a bad person, but because he’s confused about what he wants. He doesn’t know and he isn’t sure. So, what should you do when you hear a man say this? Run! What do you want most in a man? You might think good looks, money, honesty, intelligence, success, fun, a sense of humor, etc. But the number one thing that you want in a man who has long-term relationship potential is that he KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS.

• He knows he’s looking for the right woman to share his life with
• He knows the type of woman who he gets along with
• He knows the kind of woman who will make a good partner for him
• He knows he’s ready for a committed relationship
• He knows he wants you!

Gina, your first step is to start paying attention to what men say. Don’t interpret the message or look deeper for the true meaning. Don’t analyze with girlfriends hoping to figure him out. Don’t think things will be different with you than with his other relationships. Often a man’s thought process is much simpler than a woman’s tends to be. The best thing to do is take him at face value. If a man tells you he doesn’t know what he wants, recognize that he’s honest, but confused and probably not good boyfriend material...

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