100,000 Views - Thank You!

I wanted to take a moment, more like a post, to reflect on the greatest milestone so far in Relationship Lessons history. 100,000 pageviews in 10 months of existence is a big deal, but before I get to that, I want to thank the RL readers, both new and tenured, for helping make this site what its become. It was just a few months ago that I freshened up the appearance, added guest contributors, and diversified our content to better reflect what I define as the male perspective. And while I made adjustments, some people told me not to change, that a relationship blog needs to stay a relationship blog, that I’ll lose readers if I leave the “niche.” Truth be told, some people did leave and they were vocal about their exit. However, I've come to realize that people leave when change comes around, and all things considered its not a bad thing. Little did I know things would take off as much as they have in the last few months, with the month of April being both a culmination and a beginning.

In April 2013, we crushed the previous monthly record for pageviews and unique visitors when a comment I made on my Facebook page went viral. Relationship Lessons doesn’t exist for traffic, but it also can’t exist without it. And the more people know about this platform, the more my relationship vision becomes a reality. I’ve been writing online for years. I can remember starting with Facebook notes, then on my Facebook page, then Google, then my first personal site, and now RL where you find me today. I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way, and wanted to share a few of them with you.

Some of your best stuff will be the least read - I couldn’t tell you how many times I poured my all into a post only to see it end up with three comments and few pageviews. It doesn't happen as much anymore, but when I first started, it came with frustration, but the lesson I’ve learned over time was to remind myself that the quality of my work isn’t dictated by traffic. I could write a Pulitzer Prize winning post, but because the title wasn’t extra clickable or it didn’t appeal to a fickle interest, the only people that saw it were the regulars that supported, and a few folks that wanted to be doing anything but work. On some of the same articles where I was ready to beat my head against the wall because of comment count or traffic, I got emails, tweets, Facebook messages from people that appreciated the writing or felt like it had a concrete impact on their life; or at the very least, how they thought about something. It wasn’t until the day I got a message from someone that I’ll never forget that I realized no matter how small the crowd, words matter:

“I just wanted to let you know that your post kept me from making a bad decision.”

That’s about as powerful as it gets. To know you saved someone’s relationship life is a far greater reward than seeing a ton of traffic or comments, or a whole bunch of Facebook or Twitter shares. I felt dumb when I got that message. I feel dumb thinking about it. I’m sitting here thinking about the metrics not being to my liking, while someone is out there going through things and looking for a reason to stay in or get out. Damn...

You never know who is watching, or reading - I’ve had my fair share of good fortune come from writing. I’ve been to conferences. I’ve spoken at events and on shows. None of these things would’ve been possible if I didn’t put my pen to pad...well, fingers to keyboard to create my art. And here’s the interesting thing about my “success” to date. I don’t think it’s because I write these prolific posts that change the world. I don’t think I have this ridiculous network of connections that just pushes me through. I think the right people just see how much effort I put in or they stumble across the right article at the right time. And the people I do meet, I treat them well: reader or Internet famous, friend or acquaintance, I treat them with respect. I’ve received words of encouragement from people I’d never expect to hear from, and each message I get is a source of inspiration. Gratitude is crucial...

No matter how good you are, there will always be people who don't like you - As much as I’d like to say nothing phases me, sometimes I hear or read things that give me pause. I remember my blog on "How I Ended It" went left. I read a few of the comments and…well, you know how that goes. I also remember hearing that my name got thrown all through the mud. I couldn’t understand why, and I was annoyed at what was being said. It felt unfair. It felt unjust. I wanted to reach out to each and every person and find out what the deal was, but that wouldn’t have solved anything because that’s not a good approach to life. There are some people that no matter how much good you do, they will find fault. And it’s those people that we can’t spend our time on...

It's real easy to get caught up chasing someone else's dream - This was the bane of my existence for a while. I’d be looking to the left, right, and in front of me at what others were doing. I’d see the opportunities they were getting and the money they were making, and wondered why I wasn’t having the same success? How could I get those opportunities? How could I get invited to the cool kids table? Those aren’t negative thoughts in and of themselves, but when you adjust your path or vision because of what someone else is doing, you’re on a road to disappointment. You could have all (their) success in the world. But if you’re not doing what’s important to you (what makes you happy), you’ll eventually pay the price. And I can tell you from experience, it’s a price not worth paying...

In conclusion, I look today (the 1st weekend in June) and see that over 105,000 pageviews and over 30,000 likes on the facebook page have occurred. I humbly thank each and every one of you for believing in the lessons enough to keep reading and supporting my vision. Thank you for reading my lessons, and applying them to your own lives...

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