Five Things Men Need to Know About Courting Women

Last week after another conversation with the fellas, we tried to figure out why men stress over superficial nonsense when meeting women. I went into a rant that turned into this blog, and if you know me offline, you know I’m a storyteller by nature. If men knew of the complexity they perceive courting as was actually simple, we would have more men with unblemished hairlines today. To me, there are five facts of life about male-female interactions that a man should know in order to succeed.

#1 Attractive men start with one foot in the door. I’ve spoken about “attraction triggers” on this site since it’s inception. A man's attraction to women is primarily visual, while a woman can be attracted to personality, stature, and other non-superficial qualities. This explains the phenomenon of an attractive woman dating a man that most would consider aesthetically unappealing. So when you’re a man who’s handsome, in good shape, and is deemed attractive by general standards, you are relationship gold! Knowing is half the battle, so if a woman thinks you look good, that man has already reached a 50% success level. Depending on the perception your look projects, women may assume that you’re arrogant or conceited, but being attractive will get you an audience with women to further state your case and potentially seal the deal.

#2 Women know where men stand with them when they first meet. If you’ve read relationship articles, spoken to your friends, watched sitcoms, or have walked the Earth for at least 20 years, you’ve heard the cliche that “within the first 5 minutes, women know where you fall in the lover/friend spectrum.” While I agree that this sentiment holds some credence to a woman’s level of attraction to men, it cannot be contained to specific time intervals. I believe that it’s within the first interaction that women make that mental note that determines if a man has the opportunity to chase her waterfalls. This could be a 30-second introduction between mutual friends, a group conversation in a social setting, an intimate first conversation, or watching you from afar. As stated in my point above, being attractive will only strengthen a woman’s intrigue. Once they interact with you, if you don’t mess it up by saying something stupid, then you can be one of her potential suitors. Women go into advanced analysis when they first meet you. They rank you on looks and potential. Potential will be weighted more than looks. Think of your appearance as the votes along party lines (the given) and your personality and level of potential as swing votes in a relationship election. You know you can count on your party votes (your looks), but to win the necessary electoral votes, you need to win those key battle ground states (personality and your potential). Aesthetic appeal is a constant and potential is a variable. Depending on what women see and desire both physically and mentally, they know what they want from you, and whether or not you have a chance to get that and more.

#3 The non pretty dudes stay winning. I admire the non pretty boy, the rugged brethren who don’t have that one foot in the door, and might have a slow start in the paper chase that is dating. However, this is their only disadvantage. In my rant, I broke down to the fellas why non-pretty boys win. Many times, women will have preconceived notions about dudes who are outwardly attractive. They might fear them to be conceited or arrogant, and in general women don’t find that appealing. When they see someone who might not be the stereotypical handsome man, they will assume that they are down to Earth, and that they have no real reason to be gassed. So if that man shows the genuineness and good personality that was already inferred from women by their appearance, they too have won half the battle and they have the emotional clout from women to win in the future. Women won’t feel they have to resort to tempering desires as to prevent feeding an enormous ego, so that “non-pretty boy” is actually sitting pretty. All they have to do is be themselves and stay the course.

#4 Women will let you know if they are interested. The question remains: “Will men be able to tell if a woman likes them?” Now I won’t front as if I’ve never misread a signal, but some men are oblivious to signals. I took a class on nonverbal communication and it opened my eyes to the way in which we all interact with one another. Women will send signals of affection, blatantly and latent, and these key indicators can help men know where they stand. Some women speak in code, while others are direct. The non-verbal communication is paramount to me because these are the natural signals that can rarely be hidden from meticulous observers. Look her in her eyes when you speak and watch the way she looks at you. How do her eyes receive you? You can see joy and disdain in anyone’s eyes if you look deep enough. Does her voice raise an octave when you talk? Does she fidget while you talk (i.e. play with her hair)? Does she lean in towards you while you converse? Does she mimic the movements you make? This advanced analysis is simpler than the questions asked. Women love men that pay attention to detail, and being attentive can tell you what you need to know about how receptive a woman is to you. All you have to do is watch and adapt.

#5 You don't get a second chance to make a first impression, so concentrate on your "second impression". Yes, a woman will make a mental note of your potential opportunities upon first contact. However, if your perception in her eyes isn’t beneficial to your desires of getting with her, don’t be discouraged. The most egregious offense committed by men is “talking themselves out of the relationship. A woman will feel them, throw out all the necessary hints, and wave the gentlemen around third base to score, and they will make a stupid comment that will completely change a woman’s perspective. Women can turn infatuation on and off like a switch if you break that mental and desirous connection with a stupid move. The same way a man can talk themselves out of a good situation with a woman, they can talk their way back into their good graces. I’m a firm believer that character shines regardless, and if a woman recognizes that, and likes/admires it, you still may have a shot. You can’t worry about the impression you made initially. A woman will respect persistence (not stalking) and improvement over false bravado any day. Don’t apologize for who you are, and don’t sweat it if who you are doesn’t appeal to her. Every woman has a palette for a type of man, and if you don’t fit the bill you never will. You can either accept the platinum membership into the friend zone, or move on to greener pastures.

There’s more to a man than his wealth and social status. The shame is that sometimes men don’t believe this and feel they have to be a facade to succeed. No secret tricks or magic is necessary to be successful in courting and understanding a woman’s affection. You just have to be attentive, be yourself, and be confident. If a $2000 date (yes they’re talking about thousand dollar dates on social media now) is a barometer to a woman about a man’s worth, then you need to drop the temperature, give those birds the cold shoulder, and look for better women who are worth your time...

facebook.com/relationshiplessons
twitter.com/DelvinRestored