I certainly never planned to be in this position, well actually I did. I
followed the advice of a close friend who told me that after May it
really made no sense to get into anything too serious because the summer
was coming and at that point there would be a better dating pool. Does that
make me super single? Not in the least bit, but everybody has a short list
of people and requirements that would snatch them out the game almost
immediately. Friday begins the first day of summer, and there are a few guidelines that everyone should be abiding by. Since
it’s been a while I’m sure we all need a reminder, so consider this your
refresher course in, The Five Ways to Maintain and Upkeep Your Summer Fling...
#1 “Ain’t you got something to do?!” – I think the
first guideline is that you can’t overwhelm someone in a summer fling
situation. I think it goes for all relationships, but especially summer
ones, overwhelming someone with your presence too much early on will
lead to failure. The key to a great summer situation is that you
maintain the free spirit nature of the summer. Your calendar is filled
with enjoying time with friends, traveling and exploring the outdoors.
Not being up under someone else all the time.
#2 Don’t try and turn water into wine – Water will quench your thirst, wine will last forever. If you try and turn your summer fling (water) into a fully fledged relationship (wine) it will probably fizzle quickly. People who try and change the stipulations of an agreement after it’s made typically end up hurt and you'll be out. Summer flings don’t involve drama, and any sign of drama is cause for an immediate “stop, drop and roll" up out of there.
#3 Learn not to ask questions that you don’t want or need to know the answers to – There’s an old saying that you can always tell who needs to know something because they don’t have to ask. Be careful with the questions that you ask, and always respect boundaries. “Where are you at?” “What are you doing?” “What’s your relationship with that girl or that guy?” are all examples of questions that you must be careful about asking. There are boundaries in place for a reason and remember...if you were in a relationship, you’d be in a relationship.
#4 Be very careful about falling in love. It’s called a summer fling, not summer love – I had to struggle with why this is different from #3, but I figured it out. It’s because when people fall in love with people they are not in relationships with, they end up in TROUBLE! You know what is uncomfortable? The awkward silence between when someone says, “I love you” and the other person changes the subject. If you find yourself falling in love when you know it's just a summer fling, don’t.
#5 If you reach a point where the situation has reached 100% exclusivity, do yourself a favor; commit – If you find yourself in a situation that is 100% exclusive, stop fooling yourself and just commit. There’s nothing worse than when everyone knows that you two are together but you keep denying it because it’s the summer. At a certain point, there’s only one person you end every night with, you start holding hands and showing up to events together. At that point, just end it and settle down. This is rare but when people have to witness it; it’s nasty.
#2 Don’t try and turn water into wine – Water will quench your thirst, wine will last forever. If you try and turn your summer fling (water) into a fully fledged relationship (wine) it will probably fizzle quickly. People who try and change the stipulations of an agreement after it’s made typically end up hurt and you'll be out. Summer flings don’t involve drama, and any sign of drama is cause for an immediate “stop, drop and roll" up out of there.
#3 Learn not to ask questions that you don’t want or need to know the answers to – There’s an old saying that you can always tell who needs to know something because they don’t have to ask. Be careful with the questions that you ask, and always respect boundaries. “Where are you at?” “What are you doing?” “What’s your relationship with that girl or that guy?” are all examples of questions that you must be careful about asking. There are boundaries in place for a reason and remember...if you were in a relationship, you’d be in a relationship.
#4 Be very careful about falling in love. It’s called a summer fling, not summer love – I had to struggle with why this is different from #3, but I figured it out. It’s because when people fall in love with people they are not in relationships with, they end up in TROUBLE! You know what is uncomfortable? The awkward silence between when someone says, “I love you” and the other person changes the subject. If you find yourself falling in love when you know it's just a summer fling, don’t.
#5 If you reach a point where the situation has reached 100% exclusivity, do yourself a favor; commit – If you find yourself in a situation that is 100% exclusive, stop fooling yourself and just commit. There’s nothing worse than when everyone knows that you two are together but you keep denying it because it’s the summer. At a certain point, there’s only one person you end every night with, you start holding hands and showing up to events together. At that point, just end it and settle down. This is rare but when people have to witness it; it’s nasty.
Summer flings aren’t for everyone. It’s not something you try out
without giving it some deep thought before you get yourself into the
situation. A lot of people get hurt and they don’t recover easily. A lot
of people don’t want to abide by the guidelines and then as a result
they get played or just chewed up and spit out. My best advice is to
talk to someone who’s been in one before and get the real deal on it. I
can expand on this, but you’ll have to hit me on Twitter or Facebook. I
don’t have the time to give you all the nitty gritty. I can tell you
for a fact that summer flings are not a bad thing, they can be a good
thing, and the great ones usually continue even after Labor Day. Here's to a great Summer!
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