People have some really strange rules involving break-ups: You can’t break-up
with someone within 72 hours of having sex, 7 days before or after their
birthday, during the month of any major holiday,
and never in the seasons of winter, spring, or summer. Given all these
rules, you can technically only break-up with someone on Thursdays in
September. Stop making excuses! Let’s be clear, break-ups are never easy but they are a necessary
evil. If you’re not putting 110% into a relationship, you are doing
yourself and your partner a disservice. I have found that men
employ five primary break-up techniques, and I will discuss these below in
the order of difficulty, and hopefully provide
some insight on why a man might have chosen a particular method in your
past.
5. The Houdini: He disappears. The easiest of the methods, all a man has to do is fall off the face
of the Earth. He doesn’t have to explain himself. He doesn’t have to
have any awkward talks. He doesn’t even have to come up with a good
reason. This is reserved for women he does not care about: jump-offs,
side chicks, (garden tools). It may also include women he is confident
he can avoid running into for the rest of his life (or at least 6
months), such as: out-of-towners, one night stands, girls he met at a
wedding, friends of friends of friends who don’t run in the same
circles. You may disagree, but he has decided you are not worth the
hassle of the break-up discussion. This is the most low-class
disrespectful move a man can pull, yet it happens every day.
4. The Illusionist: He remains only in form. Rather than formally break-up, he slowly withdraws from the
relationship mentally, physically or emotionally. He wants out, but he is
not man enough to end it. Instead, he lets the relationship die a slow
painful death. There will be no mercy kill. He's a coward, and he might break-up with you over text or via a surprise Facebook status update to ‘Single.’ In a perfect world, he really wants you to break-up with him.
However, if you are equally weak willed or too stubborn to accept it’s
over, this pathetic excuse for a relationship might last forever.
3. The Bastard: He cheats. Cheating is easier than remaining faithful. The Bastard
doesn’t respect you enough or have the courage to break up. He is, by
far, the worst. He endangers you emotionally, physically and mentally
because of his own selfish pursuits. In his mind: Me is greater than You. Usually this method is most common, and experienced by many, however The Bastard's next relationship doesn't last that long either.
Now to talk about the remaining two ways in a little more depth...
2. The Good Guy: You love him almost as much as you hate him. You hate him because he uses you in the nicest way possible and you
can’t do anything about it. You love him. He knows it. You know it. Most
women prefer this break-up even though it is not the break-up they
need. In fact, it is one of the worst. What women overlook is the fact
that The Good Guy is inherently selfish. While he appears to have your best interest at heart, he actually puts himself first and always. He is so fearful of being labeled a bad guy by you, your family or
your friends, he rather mislead you than accept this title. Since he
never cheats physically, he avoids drawing accusation from you and eases
his own subconscious. However, he mentally and emotionally gets a head
start on checking out of the relationship before you, in order to make
his own transition easier.
After the formal “break-up,” he will still make love to you. Sure,
you told him you can handle it but you’re lying. He knows, through sex,
you are trying to lure him back or at minimum, keep him around.
Regardless, he still has sex with you because he places his best
interests before yours. He feasts on your emotional and physical sacrifices until he is
gorged, but offers you nothing of substance in return. He leaves you
feeling empty, he is honest without ever telling the truth, he doesn’t
lie but he tells you what you want to hear instead of what you need to
hear. For instance, when you ask if there is a future for you in his
life, he gives you an ambiguous response when he knows the clear answer
is no. He uses you like a pit stop between serious courtships with other
women but assures you his future is with you.
He uses your hope to keep you paralyzed while he uses the fact that
you’ll always be there for him to propel himself forward. You’re left
waiting, often in vain, as he gives the love you long for to other women
until one of those women finally becomes his wife. Even in marriage,
given the chance, he continues to let you believe there may be a future
for you two if things don’t work out. Deep down both of you know this
day will never come because, unfortunately, you were never anything more
than his back-up plan.
1. The Man: He performs the most taken for granted act there is: He tells you the truth. Some men will never be The Man because it is the hardest break-up ever. The Man
doesn’t play games with a woman. He doesn’t wait until he has a back-up
relationship. He knows you are worth more than a callous text message.
Out of respect, he chooses to tell you in person. He is not cruel, but he
doesn’t lie. If he realizes the relationship is not heading in the
direction you both agreed to, he tells you. The hardest part is the responsibility. The Man must step up
and end the relationship even if she thinks it can be salvaged if he
knows in his heart it cannot. When things get emotionally heated (and
they will) he cannot engage in the same hurtful rhetoric she uses on
him. Emotion, pride, and defense may make her attack and seek to inflame
the same response in him. He knows that in order for her to cope she
might need to hate him temporarily or forever.
Her friends, by obligation, must take her side and make him out to be the bad guy. The Man does not manipulate her emotions to save face like The Good Guy. He puts his pride and ego aside because he realizes it’s not about him. Even in break-up, The Man does what is best for the woman even if that
means putting her needs before his own. He must look into her
tear-filled eyes and continue to tell the truth. If there is no future
for the relationship when she asks, he responds “No” and does not waver.
He doesn’t encourage false hope. The Man realizes that just
because she will settle for a part of him rather than none of him does
not mean she doesn’t deserves a man who will give her his all. The Man’s burden is the most difficult. It’s possible all he will
have left to comfort himself is the knowledge that he told the truth.
Having remained faithful in principle and in practice during their
relationship, he will have to start over…alone.
This is why most men never use this technique, preferring
the combinations of 5, 4, 3 and 2, rather than ever shouldering the full
responsibility of being The Man. They know being the man she wants is
easy, but being the man she needs is difficult. Given the choice to end the
relationship as a falsely glorified Good Guy, or living long enough
to see himself labeled a villain, he chooses villainy if it will
benefit the woman he cares about more. A real man recognizes that she
deserves happiness even if he is not the man to inspire it.
So in your relationship life, which breakup(s) have YOU experienced? Feel free to comment and discuss...
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