With each day that passes, and as I wrap up my 46th year on earth this weekend, I've accumulated a little bit more wisdom and a little bit
more knowledge along the way. I've also developed a better understanding of myself and how I
operate. If you asked me 10 or 15 years ago where I thought I’d be, I’d have
said something about being a grown ass man living in a condo stacking
big bucks in some business or computer science role. And if not that,
I’d be collecting a hefty paycheck and pursuing lounges doing
what I thought grown folks did. I
assumed I’d be dating a very attractive and educated woman who viewed
her body as a sanctuary and not a playground. There was no way that I’d be able to achieve any of these aspirations
without going to college. I knew that college was something that I
needed to do. I thought that going through my major with a 3.5 GPA and
setting myself up for Business School, Law School, or some Computer
Science job was what I needed to do. I thought that being a 4 year
athlete and being mildly popular was something that I needed to do. What
did I want? Free food, new electronics, an appearance in The College World Series, and a colossal magic stick that
would become legendary amongst the ladies. Yes, these are all things I
wanted. I got a few of them, but I’ll let you figure out which.
At this point, I’m well past college. I’m established in the
world. I’m not a lawyer, MBA student, or computer sciences specialist. I
hate math and I hate standardized tests. So much for those aspirations
and needs from my teen years, but I made decent money according to the
Bureau of Labor Statistics and my job is respectable. I
was grown. At least,
that’s what I thought I needed. I took a chance and switched jobs into a
career path that I thought I needed to be in which pays significantly
less. Add in during this stretch I dated a variety of women that had
things I thought that I needed, but they turned out to just be wants.
With each woman, I thought I was taking a step up based on my perceived
needs. Much to my dismay, the end of each relationship left me feeling like I
had taken an increasingly larger step backward. I compromised on things
that would’ve made me happier in the long term because I thought I
didn’t really “need” them at the time. I thought I "needed" a woman that
had a low number of sex partners. I thought I needed a woman with a
day job, unparalleled confidence, and roughness around the edges. I
wasn’t perfectly molded, but dammit I had my stuff together, and she needed to be
same. Unfortunately, having one’s stuff together doesn’t mean they will
make a good relationship partner.
Looking back over the last few years, I realized that there have been
way too many times where I have confused my needs with wants. Even
after senselessly adding stress and strife to my life multiple times
over, I still couldn’t tell the difference between what it was I needed
versus what I wanted. That was until recently, and I’m still not
completely accurate in my assessments. As I grew increasingly
dissatisfied with my circumstances, I started to dissect different
aspects of my life down to a micro level. I started weighing each action
and decision based on how it would affect me in the current and in the
future. As I continue to go through this process, I’m realizing that
some of the things I claim that I really needed, have been there all along. It just so
happened that I previously characterized them as wants in the past.
Confused? If you are, imagine how I probably felt.
Many folks say they just want to be happy. I personally think it’s
more of a need. Otherwise, it’s just a miserable existence and who
really wants that? But what do you think? What do you do when you
realize you’re confusing a want with a need? Better yet, have you ever
met someone and thought they were the total package for you only to
realize they were a disaster? Apply this to work, friends,
relationships, family, or whatever, and you'll feel like I do as I reflect on the way my life story has been written out so far...
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