I was able to catch “The Best Man Holiday” during the week, after everyone rushed out to see it last weekend. Upon leaving the theater I met up with some of my friends afterwards and one of them said something that struck me a little.
Without giving anything away, she was amazed at how a man could love a
woman so strongly. She was so amazed that she told me that she thinks a
man should love a woman more than a woman should love a man. To be frank, I think we’ve all heard this before. I know that I have,
and I also realized that I never paid it that much attention. It was at this
moment where I simply thought “no”. This couldn’t possibly be right, so let me tell you why.
I told my friend that I think her philosophy is only shaped by her past experiences. None of us are strangers to relationships in which we may have given
more than the other person. To ever say that one person should love one
more than the other only speaks to a paranoia we have. We have a
paranoia of not wanting to experience that hurt again. In that mindset,
we formulate defensive schemes like this. Either we think of it
ourselves, or our elders lend their two cents on the issue. Regardless
of the source, this idea comes from a place where maybe too much
thinking is going on. Sometimes it does pay to experience new
relationships in the moment. Give new experiences a fair chance. It’s
the only way to remain fair to your partner. I told my friend that if she asked a happily married couple who
loved who more, they wouldn’t have an answer. I know what it is to be in
love. At no time while being in love did I have a chance to think if I
loved my lady more than she loved me. It was irrelevant. I simply knew I
loved, and that I loved as hard as I knew how to. For a woman to say
that a man should love her more says to me that she’s pulling back.
If you’re pulling back and are still waiting for someone to show more love than you do, it isn’t fair. Your whole relationship is no longer balanced. I’m no expert, but I
don’t think this philosophy will solve your issue either. You could
argue that you’re being just as unfair as the person who may have hurt
you in the past.
A slew of wrongs don’t make a right. To experience full happiness with someone, you have to be vulnerable. I liken it to my son doing math homework, and me as the parent/teacher for the evening saying I don't just want the problem solved, I have to
see his work. Showing your work is your vulnerability, and yes...we make
mistakes. We don’t allow ourselves to grow without recognizing our
mistakes and fixing them. It’s important to show your work with your
partner. You’ll be better for it as you both will gain a deeper
understanding of one another.
I think we all should love freely. All these other constructs mess up what is meant to be organic. So, what do you think? Should a man love a woman more than she does him?
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