First of all, the fact that the title of this post starts with the
number seven (which symbolizes perfection or completion in Scripture) is
a coincidence. I usually post five things when I'm trying to make points, and I name them "The Five". Truth be told, this time I just couldn't stop typing. With that said, I have found the following tips helpful when it comes to thinking about and approaching dating as a Christian.
1. Remember that there is no such thing as “Christian dating”—only Christians who date. One of the most confusing things we can do for ourselves is to
categorize things by the “Christian” label. The word “Christian” is not
meant to be used as an adjective to describe media or clothing or music.
Rather, it’s a group of people. People who are committed to living a
life that is infused with God’s love. When it comes to dating, it would do us well to see it as an avenue
toward getting to know God’s people. Just like anything else we do in
this life, dating is a way that we can reflect Christ to the people we
come in contact with. Let’s take the pressure off and see it as just
that.
2. Don’t take dating too seriously. Now that we’ve put aside the concept of “Christian dating”, we should
probably also put aside the notion that dating must equal marriage. If
we only go on dates with people who (based on our initial perception)
seem to have the potential to be our lifelong partner, we’ll go on very
few actual dates.There is very little that can be learned about someone outside a
significant interaction of some sort. Some people can learn a lot about
each other through the development of a friendship, but even that
eventually requires the next step of going on a real date. Contrary to
popular belief, you don’t actually have to know if they’re “the one” before committing to dinner and a movie. Let’s not take this so seriously, okay?
3. Don’t take dating too lightly. I know it sounds like I’m about to contradict myself, but bear with
me. I hold firm to the fact that you don’t need a commitment toward
marriage from date number one, but I do believe you should always hold
to a set of personal values and beliefs that you are unwilling to
compromise on when it comes to getting to know someone. Instead of just
treating dates with the randomness of the lottery, know what you’re
looking for and what you want to avoid. Your time and emotional energy are valuable, so decrease your risks
by investing in relationships that will build you up and challenge you
no matter what the outcome. If you know something is a dead end from the
start, don’t bother going down that path.
4. Be yourself. This one is a no-brainer, but it really has to be said. There are
far too many people out there trying to be someone they’re not, or even
worse, unaware of who they actually are. In order to be yourself, you
have to know yourself. Take the time to really get to the heart of who
you are, where you’ve been, where you’re going, and then give others
the respect they deserve by displaying authenticity in your
interactions.
5. Have fun getting to know others. How easy is it to get so hung up on this dating stuff that it becomes
more stressful than enjoyable? Dating should be a rewarding time of
learning about others. It’s a chance to get a glimpse of God in the
people that He’s made, and there’s something really beautiful about
that! Look for him at work in your interactions with others, and have a
good time.
6. Don’t have regrets. The easiest way to live a life of little regret is to make good
choices. When it comes to dating, it’s important to see it as an
opportunity for good choices to be made, rather than just focusing on
all the potential risks. Making good choices involves setting healthy
boundaries and limits in your emotional and physical exchanges with
others. Don’t give too much too fast with any area of your life, and
learn to see trust as something that is earned, not freely given. The
best way to enjoy healthy dating is to do it in a way that leaves you
with no regrets.
7. Take the next step. No matter what comes of your dating experience, it’s always important
to be intentional about what comes next. That may mean planning another
date, or making the deliberate decision not to. Either way, be clear
about your intentions and the direction that you’re heading with your
dating relationship. Don’t let guilt or fear hold you back during this process.
You owe commitment to no one, but you owe proper communication to everyone.
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1 comment:
This is good stuff. I wish I could forward it on to a few people. :)
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