The Relationship Elephant In The Room (Pt. 2)

I often tweet the following statement, “it’s really a big deal if your significant other doesn’t communicate with you.” And I believe it with everything in me.. A lack of communication quickly becomes an elephant that can destroy any relationship. While there may be no malicious intent on the part of the non-communicating party, failing to discuss, address, reveal, and talk about things in a relationship is often considered deceptive. After all, if you wanted me to know something, you would’ve told me, and the fact that you didn’t, speaks volumes...even when you didn’t intend it to.

I wouldn’t tell you to ask someone to communicate with you, however what I will do is encourage you to investigate the situation within yourself before you ever verbalize your thoughts on the matter to the other person. Investigate? Yes, investigate.

• First of all, what exactly are they not telling you? It is pertinent information or did they not reveal what they ate at dinner last night?
• Secondly, how does the lack of communication affect you? If you’re not getting critical information from someone that you are dating, that is a big deal and it’s probably impacting your life—if only by making you question the validity of the relationship. If you’re not getting silly, little trite pieces of information, then you may also be annoyed. But honestly, is it really that important? Only you can answer that.
• Thirdly (is that even a word?): Why is it affecting you? This is a key part of the investigation because it reveals the source of your pain, so to speak. Are you upset because this behavior reminds you of your ex, or are you genuinely upset with your current significant other?

Aha, the plot thickens! Just know this means that you might not be genuinely upset with him or her. If so, then fine. If not, then consider that you read this blog just in the nick of time, and allow yourself to quiet all those feelings of confusion, anger, and frustration—at least until you can attribute them to this person…not to the immature behaviors that the last person brought to your table.

Now, if you feel that this is something that is eroding the foundation of your relationship, then you’ll have to deal with it. The sooner the better, because elephants grow in size the longer they are allowed to sit in the middle of the room unattended (hint-hint). If it’s not worth dealing with as a couple, but you still want to be a couple, then you may have to find a way to re-program your thoughts so that their lack of communication, doesn’t kill your relationship.

Note to people who don’t communicate: We hear you (no pun intended). Sometimes it’s hard to include people, if they have not always been there. However, if you want to keep that special girl or guy in your life, then I highly recommend that you give them at least some consideration by communicating with them. I am not saying that you have to check-in, or divulge your every move; however, I am saying that it’s easier to give a little than to lose a lot. Just nod your head if you got it. Additionally, if the reason you are not communicating is because you are no longer interested in being with them, then do them the courtesy of letting them know. Think of it this way, it will be the last communication you’ll have to have with them.

Note to the angry person who’s not being communicated with, which is why you are reading this: Do not cut out that last paragraph and tape it to anything that they own, and do not forward it to them in an email, or text message. At the end of the day, it's a big deal if your significant other does not communicate with you. You just have to decide just how big of a deal it is, and ultimately, how you (or both of you) need to handle it...

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