Why The Ain't $*%# Guy Keeps Coming Your Way

So you’re not quite the Next Top Model, but you’re attractive enough that you have options. You’re sure of what you want and refuse to settle for less, but guys are either turn offs or not who they say they are. Well the problem could be in the laundry list of qualifications you expect your man to meet. “I want a bad boy, a lot of money, and that ain’t afraid to put me in my place when I start talkin’ crazy.” That’s music to an ain't $*%# guy’s ears. Most women choose men based on  superficial things like these, but as you mature, so should your standards. Being tired of running into all the wrong guys while passing up the good guys is like hating spicy foods and drinking hot sauce. You’re doing it to yourself. Mr. Right might statistically be the most average and unimpressive guy who can’t make the cut because he’s not 6’5 with abs and a 401k. When you define your type, it should include more than just personality and looks but also character. It doesn’t matter how “fine” and “funny” a guy is, if he can’t be FAITHFUL you’re only hurting yourself by entertaining him.

What you’re using to attract these guys is also directly related to who’s coming your way. You don’t see people throwing out catnip when they go fishing for a reason. Same thing goes for when you wear the painted on jeans or have your cleavage hitting you in the chin then tell guys it’s what’s on the inside that counts. We’re pretty easy to confuse and that will do just the trick. You want to catch and keep the good guys, then use good guy bait; Self-respect, patience, and class.

Now if you’re one of those looking for a guy by reasonable standards but they never turn out to be who they say they are, then I have a suggestion; When you’re getting to know him, stop asking those Myspace questions about his favorite colors and start asking things he’s not so used to lying about. Something like “What things did you go through that taught you the value of hard work?” or “Do you have a favorite author?”. Those are the kinds of questions that will show you where a man is at intellectually and with his maturity. Besides, impressing you should take more than a visit to the barbershop and a few lyrics from Drake. If he can’t take the lead on a mentally stimulating conversation, then he’s showing you one of his colors and it rhymes with red flag.

Don’t make it so easy on us. Observe whether or not what a man is saying is consistent with his life. He can’t be telling you he’s a responsible guy yet living well beyond his means because he heard it in a rap song. We have an idea on what most women are looking for, so you have to put forth the effort of removing yourself from that majority. We’ll either respect you more for it or remove ourselves from the situation because we know we’re not on your level. It may take some lonely nights and awkward moments when your friends are flashing their engagement rings, but don’t settle for less than you deserve. A woman who knows her worth is an ain't $*%# guy’s worst nightmare.

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This Friday night, I will be a part of an amazing panel talking about dating, sex and relationships with Crystal and Ally from "7 Minutes with God" at Cafe Say in Chicago. If you're in the area, you might want to come on out for some real relationship talk. See you then!