The Relationship Rollercoaster

You’ve reached a point where you’re tired of exerting energy into the wrong people, so you take time to re-evaluate yourself and your approach to dating. Then finally, one day you wake up and say “Okay, I’m ready to get back out there and try again”, only to find yourself in the same cycle repeating the same behavioral patterns as before. You asked yourself how did you wind up here…AGAIN? Well, I know that’s what I’ve asked myself on numerous occasions, especially when I thought that I had taken time to access and re-access…you know, the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s of the short lived dating cycle. Usually when one finds themselves in this cycle, there are contributing factors such as:

1. Believing that you are not good enough to wait for what you deserve.
2. Trust issues.
3. Oblivious to your past relationship mistakes.
4. Insecurity, and self-esteem issues.
5. Allowing your impatience to impede the natural progression of the relationship by adding pressure of having a title versus focusing on building a strong foundation of friendship.
6. Being afraid to set standards, boundaries, and expectations and hold the other party accountable of adhering to them.

This may attribute to your inability to allow your relationship to flow naturally. Often times, the volume on a woman's biological clock is on 10, which could drown out any logical reasoning skills, could also send you into fight or flight mode. Therefore, women tend to dash past friendship to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage without truly knowing who they are getting involved with until they are in too deep and things have taken a turn for the worse. It's usually forgotten that you have more control on the direction of the relationship than you think you do. Do not be afraid to express your desire for a committed relationship. Some women think that if you clearly state that you want a committed relationship then you will scare the guy away because he may feel pressured. FALSE! Most men can respect women that confidently state what they want and stick to it. For instance, if you express your desire for a relationship and he states that he is not ready or he is not looking for a girlfriend/wife; then you know that you guys are not on the same page, It’s okay to walk away if that's what you want to do, and find someone that is ready to be on that same page.

Please know that it is not a curse to be single. If you are single, know that it's okay to not date for a while. Take time to work on yourself and assess your dating habits. Sometimes you have to step away from a situation to gain clarity on your next course of action. However, during this time take a look in the mirror and get to know the person that’s staring you in the face (for those of you who say that you already know yourself…well, get reacquainted with yourself). Remember, you are whom you attract. The men/women that you date are a reflection of yourself, and what you are putting out into the relationship universe. Take time to decide what type of relationship will make you happy, what type of man or woman you would like to date, what characteristics are most important to you, and what are your deal breakers? Hopefully, your biggest take away from this lesson today is to make sure that you are happy first. When you are happy and emotionally healthy, then you will attract someone like you. "Opposites Attract" is a Paula Abdul Song, not a relationship status, so find someone you are compatible with...

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