Ladies, let’s face it: Men really are from Mars. We sometimes are difficult
to partly understand, yet alone completely understand. You can never know what we're really thinking, and
quite often you have to translate our brains to the dialect of some Earthling just to figure out what‘s going on. You stay in there and give it the old college try with us, and that in part is why we can't live without you. Some things you can make sense out of without all the other things we say and do that get in the way. However, there are some things we aliens do as men that you might not be fully aware of. We are woman detectors, and as the aliens that we are, every man is equipped with this ability. The woman detector is a visual program wherein every women who comes
into view is assessed, judged, compared and categorized. She is assessed
first for shape and size, then clothing and appearance, and then for
availability. Almost instantly we determine if she is of interest or
not, and whether she’s worth a second look.
That’s it. Men are walking, talking, driving woman scanners. The
scanner at the supermarket scans for bar-codes, we scan for hips, legs,
breasts, waist, face, hair, shoes, skirts, makeup, jewelry, tattoos,
piercings and a wedding band (funny how that one is sometimes last). I’ve coined a few labels to help you figure out how we really feel about you as we scan. See if you can relate:
1. The Homegirl - He calls you ‘dude’ or ‘man’. He
asks you to go for a ride in his car (after you’ve helped him fix the
engine), and you go to the restaurant for a drink, but not a meal. He slaps you on
the back (not the behind) and asks you to check out the
sassy waitress that walks by. You are definitely in the friend zone, or he
thinks of you as his tomboy sister. Give him a high five and send him on
his way.
2. The Bedroom Master - He wants to keep you around
so he can get it on with you at a whim (usually his whim). He sends you
risque texts (but never fun and flirty), and only late at night. You’ve
never met his friends and he only sees you at your place. Forget fancy
restaurants, he’ll only invite you to drink with him at a “hole in the
wall” bar. He may be kind enough to see that you get home by walking you
to the cab (for which you’ll be paying the fare). Delete, delete,
delete! You’re better than sloppy seconds whenever it suits him!
3. The Rebound Woman - You're tagged on all his
social media sites, and when you two are in public, he can’t stop
touching you. Sounds great! Until you’re alone. Then he mopes around,
becomes moody, and stares at pictures of his ex.
The public face is that he’s having a great time with his new girl,
but the reality is that he is only trying to make someone else jealous.
Hand him back to her, quickly!
4. The One - He takes you to breakfast, lunch, and
dinner. You’ve
met his friends and family, and you get along with them. He respects
your thoughts, values, and opinions. He's happy to look after you
when you get the flu and look like a bad version of the wicked witch of
the west. This one is potentially marriage material and worth keeping. He could be the
real deal, and if you don’t steer him down the aisle, someone else will!
When it’s the real deal, he won’t seem so complicated. He’ll be
perfectly normal and you will both reside here on planet Earth. No more trips to Mars for you, and no more scanning for him! He will be clear
with his thoughts and he will make sense (most of the time). You will appreciate
him for all that he is – which is perfect for you! I might be exposing some things here, but I hope this helps you...
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