The Ugly Truth About Dating

Since I divorced my first wife in 2002 after 12 years of marriage, and I again divorced my last wife in 2009 after only one year, the dating game has changed dramatically. We sometimes have to play catch-up but if we aren't careful, our heads will wind up spinning from being SO far behind in today's socially motivated generation. As I address today's dating game, these are some of the ugly truths that I have seen, heard, and even encountered so far. See if any of these are your ugly truth as well...

 

1. The person who cares the least has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and indifferent we can be towards the other person, little psychological games like "Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back" will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you can look exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing and are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts and social media. If you aren’t their top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun or more interesting than yours on the table. Trust me, I know all about this one...

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma, at least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat, betray and move on happily, while the person they left behind is in shambles.

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

8. “Let’s chill” and “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and they appear to be here to stay.

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you...at least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official, that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again: “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, you weren’t together together...right?

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but sometimes they certainly increase the chances of it happening.

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends and family.

14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, or not some other person enough to be embraced.

15. Any person you get romantically involved with, you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. Both of these are equally terrifying concepts.

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you. (I plead guilty on this one myself).

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship, and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to them. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking, and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face, or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and presto...relationship over! The easy way out is far from the most considerate.

Which number speaks more about where you are? I'd like to know where you stand on these...

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