If you've been single for a long stretch of time, despite your best efforts to
find love, you’ve probably grown weary of seeing happy, romantic
couples at every turn…among your friends and family, featured in
internet accounts, described in magazine stories, and on and on. The sense of feeling left out and left behind can be especially acute
at certain holidays when
loved ones snuggle close and make new memories (Christmas and Valentine’s Day immediately come to mind). It can leave a lovelorn
single person feeling downright depressed and ready to punch some boo'd up couple square in the throat.
If that describes you, take heart. Seeing other people in love
validates the belief that it can happen to you too. Despite your sense
of being “on the outside looking in,” the potential for genuine, lasting
love in your life is as real today as it’s ever been. Here are four things to remember as you anticipate the arrival of your magnificent man or wonderful woman:
1. Today is always packed with possibility. Here’s a
bit of common sense we can all agree on: Just because you’ve waited a
long time for love to arrive doesn’t mean you still have a long time
left to wait. Many frustrated singles fall into a psychological trap
that begins to pull them downward like quicksand. They behave as if
yesterday was a just a preview of today, as if this couldn’t possibly be
the day that everything changes. The truth is, romantic potential has no shelf life. The odds against
finding lasting love does not grow longer with time. That means in each
moment of every new day, you are equally likely to turn a new corner and
fall head over heels into the relationship you’ve dreamed of.
Your age?
Irrelevant.
Number of previous strike-outs? Meaningless.
The opinions
of naysayers? Please!
You have to start moving through your life like you expect a surprise
party to be thrown in your honor at any moment. I bet that your whole demeanor will change about everything!
2. Attitude matters. Your romantic beliefs,
intentions, and expectations have a dramatic effect on how your search
for love turns out. This idea is far less rooted in wishful thinking and
New Age mumbo jumbo than it may sound at first. The connection between
what you think, and the life you lead, is actually quite clear and simple. Think of it this way: Someone who believes she’s cursed with bad luck
is unlikely to invest a few bucks in a lottery ticket, no matter how
large the jackpot grows. A person who has given up on love will probably
think it is pointless to go where he might meet someone new, or to put
their best foot forward if he does go anywhere. When you no longer have faith in the
payoff, why bother placing a bet? That might sound like good reasoning —
until you realize how self-defeating and self-fulfilling it is. Keep
your romantic radar on.
3. “Failure” is progress. Learning what you don’t
want in a partner, and how to recognize it when you see it, is every bit
as valuable as knowing what you do want. In this way, romantic misfires
serve an important purpose. Where many people see each dead-end as a
step away from their goal, you can choose to see things the way Thomas
Edison did when he said, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000
ways that won’t work.” Every rejected lover is one you no longer have to consider. Every
lesson learned is one that makes you more ready to handle real love when
it comes along.
4. Love, when it arrives, heals the wounds caused by its absence.
Just as the poets, mystics, and songwriters have said for centuries,
love really is a magical thing. Before you find it, time drags, your
heart aches, and you begin to fear that the damage is permanent. But on
the other side of meeting the one you’ve looked for, you quickly forget
all that. The joy of fulfillment is a salve that soothes every hurt,
scars and all. When you are still in the romantic doldrums, it may help
to remember that the love you seek, and are sure to find, is far more
than an end to loneliness; it is a brand new beginning that erases what
came before.
Love is always at your fingertips. So be sure your hand is always open...
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