Is it necessary to get the closure you want from a broken relationship? Whether it’s
a horrible breakup with your long-term significant other, or simply cutting ties with
anyone else in your life, you may feel the urge to seek some solace in one
final talk. You’ll likely want to address the situation with this
person, possibly to find a resolution, or to beat a dead horse (whichever
comes first). I get it; I know the feeling all too well.
Closure brings comfort. It makes you feel as though justice got served, however the reality is closure makes us feel like your final decision to cut ties
was indeed, the right thing to do. Closure is confirmation, so when you gain
that closure, you feel confident you're moving in the right direction and allowing
yourself to move forward on a new path. But, there is a tough pill to
swallow here: Closure might not ever come, and you shouldn’t be someone who expects it.
Once you end the relationship, your ex has no obligation whatsoever to
supply the final words you so desire. If that one last
talk never comes, you shouldn’t try to force it, as doing so will likely make
things worse. You might end up in an uglier situation than before the
attempt. Trying to force closure in a previous relationship made me
seem like a crazy, desperate stalker. You definitely don’t want that
unless you’re prepared to burn the bridge, or the entire village,
depending on how aggressive you are at beating the dead horse. Keep your
dignity and refrain from forcing.
At one point in my life, I had to wait years just to gain the closure I
craved from a long-term relationship. Was I expecting the closure I received at that time?
Heck, no. It came as a total surprise, but it was still nice to receive
even after all those years. All I’m trying to say is closure might take a
while, and the timing might not be on your own terms. It’s best for you
not to hold on to the thought of getting closure when you’d like to have it
because you’ll likely have to wait a long while to get it.
It’s important to keep in mind you cannot control whether or not the
other person wants closure, but you can control how you handle whatever
closure you get. If it’s not exactly what you want, take solace in the
fact that you’re moving on, and eventually, you will be over it. Maybe you have
some words you desperately need to get off your chest. Getting rid of some
things (old gifts, photos, files, etc.) and deleting a few contacts in your
phone or social media could also help you to move forward. Whatever the case,
you are giving yourself closure, regardless of the other person’s
status. By demanding closure from someone else, you’re basically choosing
to stand still and not move forward until the other person tells you that it’s
okay for you to move on. Why would you want to torture yourself like that?
Keep in mind you are the only person in charge of your actions. You say
when it’s time to stand still or walk ahead. Just imagine what could possibly be ahead of
you when you move on. It could be anything; a new job, a new relationship, a restored life. How
will you ever get there if you stay put? I don't know who Pete is in your life, but get up and go, for Pete's sake!
So, would anyone desire closure to properly move on? Yes, but that closure you're looking for has to first and
foremost come from within. The sooner you can get over the relationship,
the sooner you can move on to bigger and better things. As long as you can
accept your conclusion, come what may, you will have the most
reassuring form of closure you could ever ask for…
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