Not Good Enough

What do you do when you are in a relationship and feel like you aren’t good enough for the person you're with? Some might say that’s a contradiction because if you truly weren’t good enough for him or her, then you wouldn’t be with that person. But if you genuinely felt for whatever reason, that you aren’t good enough for the one you are with, then that raises some other questions that need to be immediately addressed. The interesting thing is that I have noticed is that the ones who proclaim that they aren’t good enough in a relationship are the same ones that have a deep yearning to be in a relationship when they were single. So what causes someone to vacillate between these two polar opposites? It all begins with you. Feeling that you aren’t good enough starts with how you feel about yourself and why you believe you aren’t good enough. We all have that inner self-critic that is constantly over-analyzing and telling us we’re too fat, or too skinny, or too shy, or too talkative. Over time, the more we listen to that inner self-critic; it can eat away at our confidence and self-esteem, leaving us to frequently question our personal value. And when your personal value is mired in doubt, at some point those negative feelings are going to manifest itself in other aspects of your life, primarily in your romantic relationships.  

So why don’t some people feel as though they aren’t good enough? Perhaps he feels as though his partner is such a good person that he cannot fathom why she would choose him since he doesn’t share many of those same qualities. Maybe she feels like feels like you’re out of her league and she wants to make sure that you don’t see yourself as ‘above’ her. Whatever the reasons are, someone that feels that they aren’t good enough are usually worried that they will lose you once you find someone more ‘suitable’. There is a constant fear that he or she will be replaced because there is no way that you can love and appreciate them as they are. They may even do things to sabotage the relationship in an attempt that you will end it just so that they won’t have to deal with the agonizing fear that one day you are going to leave them. Another reason could be that your partner wants to break up with you and feels that the ‘not good enough’ argument is an easy way to do so without hurting you.

Sometimes the interactions we have with our significant other can influence how we might feel about ourselves. If your partner doesn’t ever seem to be satisfied with your contribution to the relationship, it can have a mental ripple effect, leaving you to speculate and wonder if you are good enough for him or her. If you are in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person, one of their key characteristics is that nothing is ever good enough for them and they will pass blame and fault for any issues onto their partner. If you are constantly being blamed as the source of your partner’s unhappiness, even though you try as hard as you can to satisfy them, it can leave you feeling very self-conscious and uncertain about your value to the relationship. Not only are you receiving constant criticism from your partner, but now you start to internalize it and their voice is replaced with your own. Instead of your partner blaming you, you blame yourself and accept all the guilt and responsibility for the perceived problems in the relationship, leaving you to feel as though you aren’t good enough.

We all go through periods where we struggle with our self-worth, but if you are constantly devaluing yourself and stating that you aren’t good enough, you may need to really take a look at what is at the root cause of those feelings. If you don’t feel as though you are good enough, how will someone else see that you are? Learn to appreciate and have confidence in yourself otherwise someone else will help determine your worth...

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