For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about things that bother me in
relationships. I have a friend that openly and verbally abuses her boyfriend.
One of my friends is having communication problems with his girlfriend. I saw a
woman blatantly ignoring her two children and husband, while her attention was
glued to her iPhone. It just baffles me how we can look around us and notice so
many things that seem absurdly irritating with other couples, yet how many
times do we take the time to look up?
There were so many things that came to mind when I thought about how much
dating has evolved over the years. From the days of MySpace to Facebook, and
from Tinder to Tumblr, there are so many social media platforms for dating and
social networking that I feel a majority of us are confining our social
interactions to behind a screen. We’re never present when we are face-to-face.
It’s almost as if we’ve forgotten how to use our voices and verbally speak to
one another. I came up with five dating trends that I felt needed to be revived.
Some might seem “old school” but I believe that if they were implemented, we’d
see fewer divorces or dysfunctional couples. It’s not a foolproof list, but I
think they’re valid suggestions.
1. Going out on a whim. I miss meeting people the old-fashioned way. For example, I met all my
previous exes at places I frequented or worked. I miss meeting people in what I
consider the “old-fashioned” way. I call it “going out on a whim.” How many
people actually ask for a number or even just a name of someone they connect
with at the grocery store, or the office building for which they work, or the
Starbucks they frequent before work, or at the gym? Not many that I know of.
2. Holding open doors. I know it’s sort of cliché and I’m all for the “independent” approach, like
I know you don’t NEED a man to hold open a door, but it’s definitely a nice
gesture. It doesn’t have to be the extreme of all the time, but you have to
admit, it’s somewhat embarrassing or perhaps slightly shameful when another man
opens the door for somebody else's woman, yeah?
3. Talking on the phone. I feel like so much can be misconstrued through texting, emailing,
messaging, etc. For me, it’s all about the inflection of a voice. It’s hard to
detect that through text. For example, people that respond with “K” which is my
absolute biggest pet peeve. However, most times people are just too lazy to
give me an “OK” or a little bit more of an actual response. I’m not going to
lie; I only talk to a few people on the phone, aside from professional calls. I
talk to my parents on the regular, and a couple close friends. I don’t like the
awkward pauses, the moment before saying goodbye, and the different ticks
everybody has when speaking [i.e. one of my friends likes to insert “like”
every other word]. But in all honesty, when I started dating, I realized how
much more I like talking to her on the phone than just texting her. Sometimes
it’s more convenient, you’re in between meetings or traveling, I understand.
4. Interacting with each other. I see so many people on their phones and I’ll admit there are times when I
do it too when they’re on a date. I’ve witnessed, especially with young
couples, they’ll just sit on their phones the entire date. Just the other day I
was having breakfast, and I noticed a family sitting across from me. The mother
was on her phone, very absent from her two young children and husband. Even
after her children and husband left, she was still on her phone. At one point,
she finally set her phone down and started chatting with a young waiter. I like
going on dates where you can truly interact, talk, laugh and participate in fun
activities like bowling, or going to the movies, etc. Communication is the
number one contributing factor to strong and healthy relationships in my
opinion.
5. Handwritten letters. Handwritten things have significance [to me] for many reasons. One, it shows
that the person took the time and effort to write something, which leads me to
number two: they wrote something sincere, something that came from the heart.
And three, I’m a writer, so anything handwritten is something I take very
personally, read carefully and hold dearly. Everybody is mobile, and publishing
is migrating to electronic versions. But me? I like the ruggedness of a
physical book, the crisp smell of the pages, and the way you can smudge and
wear the ink. That’s the beautiful thing about handwritten letters. As a
wordsmith, the careful positioning of words to me mean everything. One day, I
hope to find someone who can understand a fraction of what it is I feel when it
comes to the power of a letter.
Chivalry isn’t dead, and these to me are a few ways it can be kept alive…
relationshiplessons.net
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