Whatever happened to flirting? When was the last time we
unabashedly indulged in an awesomely enticing flirting session with a
supremely-talented flirting partner? Oh, you know what I’m talking about: the
wonderful, electrifying, quick-witted, rapid-fire, playful, back-and-forth that
happens between two entities exploring their budding attraction toward
each other? It can exist in something as subtle as the exchanging of an
understated but seductive glance between two fluttering eyelids. It can reside in
cutting conversational words and rapid-fire responses. It’s that nerve-racking,
improvisational exercise that recklessly takes us for a dangerously thrilling
joyride in a hot and fast car with no seat belt to keep us safe.
Flirting is liberating, playful, frustratingly intriguing, palpably exciting,
and oh-so-fun (whatever happened to FUN?). It’s the necessary warm up, the
preamble to sexual exploration; it’s the seductive pull of the heartstrings,
the foreplay to foreplay, the test drive that ensures our chemistry is cohesive. It’s
what makes the single life heatedly teeming with endless excitement, for we
spend our workdays wondering which sexy soul we will sinfully flirt with once
night falls. So why the hell is no one doing it anymore? It seems to me
that flirting has become an endangered art form. It’s an
occurrence so rare, most of us have forgotten how to even do it. We are
clueless, and we are hungry for it at the same time.
So, what’s the problem? Did the hook-up culture kill the art of flirting? Is
the modern world so instantaneous, so mindlessly easy, that flirting has become
too hard? Has it become too much work
for our spoiled and over-indulged little selves? If it’s not downloadable, if
there’s no free “app” for it, we can’t figure it out. Even when we try to
flirt, it seems no one can keep their noses out of their smart phones long
enough to seductively lock eyes with us for even a second. Flirting begins in
eye contact; and without the meeting of the eyes, there is no absolutely no
chance to flirt. The real tricky part is this: Flirting is a muscle, like
anything else. If we don’t take it to the gym and exercise it regularly, our
flirting physique will rapidly deteriorate. So to put it lightly, we’re so
out of shape, it isn’t even funny anymore. Has our Tinder addiction, incessant social media abuse, and hankering for food
delivery apps stamped out the fine art of the flirt? Has the willingness of the
masses to “put out” so quickly and so easily made flirting shed too much blood,
sweat and tears for the quick-fix Millennial? Is our culture the reason dating
is no longer satisfying?
Where there is no game, there is no winning. Flirting is a wonderfully tantalizing and sheepishly innocent game that
teases us with what’s to come. It’s the sexy little taste we experience before
attaining the full-fledged PRIZE. Herein lies the conundrum of the instant hook-up
culture: If you don’t dabble in a little playful banter, if you don’t dare to FLIRT, if
you dive in headfirst, then scoring the goal feels dirty and cheap. It’s like
we cheated on our own team in the game against ourselves. It’s much more
gratifying to work for a relationship. Think of it like this:
It’s impossible to WIN if you haven’t even begun to play the game.
Where there is no challenge, there is no charm. Let’s get real, we are human beings and we LOVE a challenge; it wildly
turns us on. A challenge is stimulating, and sexuality is all about
stimulation. Before we can be stimulated in the bedroom, we need to be
stimulated with our
brains. Nothing will lubricate the mind like being put to the test
with thought-provoking questions and razor-sharp wit. When a good conversation
lovingly plays with our otherwise numbed-out brains, our interest is piqued.
When our interest is piqued, we are charmed. When you challenge us, we are
suddenly awakened. When you leave us flummoxed and stumbling for words, you are
spicing up our day with a well-needed sprinkling of nerves. I can’t speak for
every man, but being made nervous is refreshingly sexy. It leaves us with
thoughts of you lingering in our brains long after you leave.
Where there is no chase, there is no reward. Oh the healthy chase should never be confused with the unhealthy chase
(treating us like garbage, never calling us back), that unhealthy stuff is NOT
cute. What we mean is this: If we get our hands on something (you) too easily
and too quickly, the reward doesn’t feel special or sacred. Don’t hand it to us
just because we want it, flirt with us first. Make us work for it, because the
things we worked the hardest for are the things we value the most.
Where there is no conversation, there is no connection. I believe we have two ways in which to connect: through the bending of our
bodies and the bending of our brains. However, when we connect through words
first, the sex is so much more powerful. Trust is built through conversation.
When we trust whom we’re having sex with, it’s so much better. We can read each others bodies with far more clarity; we’re less self-conscious and are
able to plunge into all those positively subversive sexual risks when trust is
present.
Where there is no banter, there is no chemistry. If you don’t have chemistry, you don’t have anything. Chemistry is that
special ingredient that separates friends from lovers. How do we know if we
have chemistry with another human being if we don’t talk to him or her first? If
we don’t have that tongue-in-cheek witty banter with our partners, how could we
ever have enjoyable sex or long term relations with them? How do we know if
that vital ingredient of chemistry is there, when we don’t give ourselves
the opportunity to flirt first? Flirting might seem like it’s hard work, but in
the long run, it saves you from a lot of time wasted having sex with
someone you’re not compatible with.
Where there is no back and forth, there is no movement. On the behalf of men everywhere, allow me for a moment to challenge you. Move
us! Not literally (at least not yet), but move our minds. Make us think. Ask us
questions. Tempt us with a taste of your fresh perspective and bold opinions. There
is too much sleepy stillness in the universe, shake up our worlds, otherwise
there is no point.
Where there is no laughter, there is no lust. There is no greater turn on in the entire world than laughing. Laughing on
its own feels so good, it’s almost sexual in and of itself. Mix laughter with
inherent physical attraction, and we are in the throes of an irrepressible lust. Flirting
is about making us laugh. Making us forget about our high anxiety, endless work
meetings, and sky-high ambitions. We lose ourselves in laughter, like we lose
ourselves in love.
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