A
lot of people shudder at the thought of going on vacation alone or
having to do anything without companionship. There’s a host of things that
people want to do but they don’t do simply because they feel they can’t
do them without the presence of another individual. After having this
conversation with a friend of mine during a regular Facebook chat last week about a friend of
hers, I determined the simple answer to why people are alone is
because they can’t be alone. Let me explain...
Imagine you’re going on vacation, and you want to go to an exotic beach
in a far away distant place, but you have pause for concern because you
know that you’ll be going alone. You’re not wanting to spend a week on
the beach in Jamaica alone. Heck, let’s scrap the beach and imagine that
you’re going to Paris, one of THE most romantic cities on Earth, but you don’t want
to go alone. What ends up happening is you put off these great
adventures until you have a significant other to travel with you. To be honest, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it also might be the reason why you’re still single. Keep walking with me, I'm headed somewhere...
What I find to be true very often is that people who are single, are
single because they aren’t ready to be in a relationship until they
figure out how to be single. Relationships are not about dependency but
more about interdependency, which is very different. There are people
whose relationship defines who they are as a person, and they need it to
exist. They need to be in a relationship to feel motivated to do
anything in their life. They can’t even make it to the grocery store
alone because they feel empty without a companion. I know this feeling because
I’ve been there before.
I had to change that behavior because it was putting me in a horrible
place in my singleness. I would get in ruts that I could not get out of. When I was in a relationship, and I depended on
another person in the wrong way, it was impossible for me to stand alone. The
inability to stand alone makes you unattractive when you’re single,
because it’s going to come across as needy. Earlier in the post I talked
about a friend of a friend who is single only because she doesn’t know
how to be single and happy.
When people find ways to be alone, they begin to find themselves. They
begin to show all the beautiful things about themselves that are hidden
when you are living to conform to someone else’s liking. That is what
you'll need if you intend on finding a mate. I’ve never been attracted to
anyone who I felt like was just a mirror of myself. I needed to see the
person as an individual who was separate from me, but I appreciated being
with. That’s my recommendation, be a person that someone wants to be
with and choose as a companion. What you can’t do is be a person that
needs the other person to tell them how to be. It just won’t work.
This means you’re going to have to get used to being alone.
You’re going to have to build courage to do things on your own. You’ll
have to stop being lonely to stop being alone. If that doesn’t make
sense to you, then I’m not sure your single status will ever change...
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