I've settled a lot in my dating career. I've said
yes to that second (and third) date even when I didn’t want
to. I mean hey, why not? There’s food, wine, and maybe she’ll grow on
me. But here’s the thing, she never grows on me. Best-case scenario is that we develop feelings of mutual comfort. Worst-case scenario is that she increasingly repels me until I am left with no choice but to ghost her early in the game. And what never happens? She never makes me genuinely laugh
out loud, or makes me anxiously check my phone every five minutes
for a text that will launch me into somersaults across the living room. She never gives me butterflies.
Yes, men will never admit to this, but we get butterflies too. The nervousness in coming up with something to say, while not looking like an idiot in the process. Getting five feet from her and then losing your complete train of thought, babbling too much or not making coherent sentences. At some point, men will get tired of looking and sounding stupid, but the beginning is a very rough period. I’ve been noticing a difference in myself lately. I no
longer want to even casually flirt with someone unless she makes me as
stupidly excited as the sight of my first crush did when I was 12 years
old. When this change first started happening, I was convinced something
was wrong with me. “Am I over dating?” I thought to myself, but that’s not it at
all. I’m not over dating; I’m over settling. I am perfectly capable of going out alone, and I know how to be happy on my own. The only woman I am going to be making time for from here on out is the one who gives me butterflies, and here is why...
Because they don’t last. Butterflies don’t last forever, but that’s no reason to forget about them completely. In fact, you’re going to need to remember those butterflies when
you’re 15 years down the line with your partner and arguing about bills
and carpools. Butterflies remind you of why you guys got together in the first place. They’re your reason for hanging on to what you have.
Because the right person is the only one who deserves commitment. I'm sure there are plenty of beautiful people out there to mess around with. That’s all well and good when you’re just having fun, but when it comes to actually committing to one person, you better
make damn sure that person is the right person for you. And how can
you tell? You’ll feel it.
Because too many things in life are already mediocre. Between trips to the laundromat and your quest to make the time pass during your nine-to-five, life is filled with the mundane. Do yourself a favor, make sure your love life is not sub-par. Life is filled with plenty of boring things that don’t make you feel. Your relationship however, should not be one of them.
Because they humble you. The person who gives you butterflies has a hold over you that is total and complete. This person makes you vulnerable, and when you’re vulnerable, you become humble. You know you don’t hold all the power.
Because you shouldn’t have to wonder. When you’re choosing between someone who makes you want to do
cartwheels whenever you speak their name, and…well, the other one,
there’s no doubt as to which person you should pick. You deserve to be confident in your romantic decisions. You deserve
to live blissfully in the knowledge that there’s nobody better out there
for you.
Because they remind you you’re living. Butterflies make you feel alive. The highs are so high and the lows so low, but one thing is certain: You are LIVING. Butterflies remind you that you’re a living, breathing human who can
really feel things. It’s like you’ve been running on autopilot
when suddenly you meet someone who puts you back in the driver’s seat.
Because you deserve to be deliriously happy. Not content, not comfortable, not even just plain old happy. You deserve to be DELIRIOUSLY happy! You deserve to with the person who makes you smile awkwardly when you
text. You deserve to be with the one who makes you laugh until your
stomach hurts, even when their jokes aren’t that funny. The one who makes you feel fire even when they’re just holding your hand. You deserve to be so happy that you almost feel high.
Because you are not obligated to be with anybody. You do not owe anybody a second date (or even a first date for that matter). If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. And if you’re not “feeling” anyone, that’s okay, too. Focus on yourself for a while. There’s no shame in that.
Think of your love life as a blank canvas. Do you want it to be matte grey or in technicolor? I'm at the point when I flirt wit her, I see my life in 3D. Now THAT is some kind of "flirtability" worth achieving...
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