I’ve had potential clients be “on the fence” about whether to spend
some of their cherished time and money doing their internal work, but
they don’t hesitate to buy a flashy watch or car, presumably for the
same end goal of trying to attract a quality woman into their
lives. So if cash-flow, fancy accessories, and a detached expression doesn’t
attract quality and loving women, then what
character traits are women attracted to? Here are seven of the most important things that women will always be attracted to.
1. Drive - Women are attracted to men who have goals, and are actively pursuing them. Masculine energy is directional energy. Like a boulder rolling down a
hill, the single-focus energy that penetrates through resistance in
pursuit of achieving an end result is very attractive to women, but drive isn’t always enough on its own. Ideally you’ll be driven in something that you’re passionate about. Women are infinitely more attracted to a man who is
dripping with passion about his work as an artist, compared to a man who reluctantly went into law to please
his parents and is so unenthusiastic about his work that he uses
self-deprecating and dismissive language every time you try and talk to
him about it. As much as most men resist this idea, when it comes to attracting a
high value woman of character, drive beats dollars every time.
2. Presence - Every person wants to feel deeply seen and understood by someone in
their lives, but few people want to take the time to explain or reveal
themselves. When it comes to deeply connecting with a woman on an emotional
level, your presence will always mean more than any presents ever could. By being fully present with women (through eye contact, listening,
and prioritizing distraction-free conversations) you give them the sense
of feeling seen. Everyone (male or female) wants to feel deeply seen and appreciated.
The first step in giving women this feeling is in developing your
personal presence. What percentage of your attention are you giving the woman you’re
speaking to moment to moment? Is the answer anything but 100%? Then you
aren’t being fully present with her. Turn off the TV, put down your cell phone, face her directly, give
direct eye contact, and truly hear the words that she is telling you.
3. Humor - I once polled a few women to ask them “What is the most important non-physical trait that attracts you to a guy?” One of the answers I got back was a sense of humor. Life is serious enough as it is. No wonder women value the lightness
and playfulness that a partner with a sense of humor brings to their
lives. Besides, if Cyndi Lauper is a credible source, girls just wanna have fun.
4. Spontaneity - Predictability is death to attraction. If she can predict your every word, move, or sexual escalation, then you might need to inject some spontaneity into your life. Whether that takes the form of taking her out for a new and unique date,
surprising her with her favorite beverage, or bringing her flowers
just because, spontaneity brings back some passion and life to your
interactions with your partner.
5. Someone Who Is Intentional About Life - Intentionality is the practice of questioning everything in your life, and building the kind of life that you want to be living. It’s easy to be broke. It’s easy to be out of shape. It’s easy to
have relationships that go nowhere and leave you both feeling
unfulfilled. What’s comparatively difficult is to be wealthy, in great shape, and
have a relationship that others admire. but it doesn’t mean that it
isn’t doable. Part of intentionality is not just striving towards the things you
want to add to your life, but also shining a proverbial flashlight into
the darkest corners of your mental attic and asking yourself if you want
to keep all of the old junk and baggage that you’ve accumulated.
6. Leadership Ability - It’s no secret that women are often attracted to men who display the ability to lead others. On the primal evolutionary level of attraction everyone is somewhat
attracted to those that they perceive to be of higher social value than
others. But, there’s a huge difference in someone who is a power-hungry jerk, as opposed to a person who is a loving and patient inspiration of a man. Don’t be proud of your ability to throw your weight around at the
office. Dominating your employees isn’t attractive. Instead, lead with
social intelligence, kindness, and by displaying the kind of values that
people want to align with. The overt musculature of man that held status thousands of years ago
in ancient tribes is outdated. What leads others now is not biceps
layered on top of your biceps. it is the power and emotional
intelligence that come from the strength of your mind.
7. Vulnerability - All of the power, prestige, leadership ability, and humor that you
can muster won’t get you anywhere near a fulfilling relationship if you
aren’t willing to let women see you emotionally. Relationships are catalysts for personal change and growth, but in
order to work through your barriers to intimacy, you have to let women
in. I was talking with a client recently who described a perfectly
indicative scenario to me that he had experienced on a recent date.
He and his new love interest were walking hand in hand through a park when she asked him “You’re a bit of a softie, aren’t you?” His initial instinct was to resist what felt like an accusation. His first unfiltered thought was “Pfft, no! I just told you about the marathon that I completed last week. I think that’s kind of a badass, not soft!” But when he sat with the question for a moment he thought, yes, in many ways he was someone who felt emotions very deeply. He got teary-eyed on a weekly basis when Dancing With The Stars contestants were voted off the show. He remembered that he was often full of concern if he knew someone was injured or ill. He got choked up whenever a character in a movie or TV show was dying, especially a child or older person. He thought to himself that yes, he was undoubtedly what many would consider a softie. So he replied with, “Yeah, I’d say I am. Most of my earliest childhood memories are of me having stronger emotional reactions to things than most of my friends or siblings, so by most people’s standards I’m probably a softie.” The honesty of this truth hung in the air for a moment and he felt relieved that he had been entirely honest with his date, and he felt a bit exposed as he waited anxiously for her response. She replied, “Good. I really like that about you. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.”
How To Attract Women With Character - As with anything to do with humans/sexuality/attraction not all of these points will be valid for 100% of women or all people. I’ve had quite a few readers and clients recently ask me to divulge
more of my personal story into my posts, and this post is where I’m
starting. I truly love the company of women, and have had quite a few wonderful
relationships which have usually come pretty easily to me. I’ve had
many women tell me that I was so different from all of the other guys
that they’d dated. If I had to boil it down to a few reasons why, those reasons would be
the list you’ve just read. The fact that I’m driven, a good listener,
playful, and intentional about my life makes me stand out from the
competition. I’m comfortable showing emotion, whether it’s passion, joy,
empathy, fear or sorrow. And if 9 out of 10 women tell me that I’m “unlike any
guy they’ve ever met” then apparently these are the highest leverage ways
in which other men can step it up. So take note of the two or three areas in which you could improve
upon the most, and commit to taking action on them as soon as possible. Your future wife (and society at large) is hungry for you to step into your romantic greatness. Best of luck to you...
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