It Wasn't Meant For You To Go Back

It is never easy to walk away from someone you love, but living in a toxic relationship is not healthy for anyone. The break-up, get back together, break-up again syndrome leaves few happy and most with a broken heart. Understanding why this vicious cycle has a stronghold on so many is an answer most don’t want to face. It seems as if the comfort of complacency far outweigh the potential reward of stepping out into the unknown. 

Last week's blog mentioned that I would start letting you in on the more personable side of me, so here goes. I once had someone that loved very much, and it was a big decision for me to finally end the cycle; I invested a chapter of my life into that relationship. I’ve invested time, energy, and significant piece of my heart.  We were so happy in the beginning, and I once felt like if only I could go back to the way it was, that in itself would fix everything. Through my own lessons, I’ve created seven reasons why you can never go back to the way it was. 

You are not strangers anymore. The beginning is just that, the beginning. Now that you’ve been around the block together, you know each other too well. You know what makes each other tick, you know how to push each others buttons, and you know how to get what you want. In the beginning, you were just strangers. You were two people falling in love, and the good fight was easy. Strangers don’t know what they are getting themselves into, you do. 

You cannot erase history. Too often we confront big issues at face value and then decide it is not worth the effort to work through those problems, so we dismiss or ignore them. You can try to convince yourself that you don’t care about what has happened in the past, but when you brush those things under the rug, they always find their way back to the surface.

The honeymoon stage is just a disguise. Getting back together is going to be full of emotions. You missed each other, you longed for each other, and you decided to forget all of the reasons you broke up in the first place. This feels like the honeymoon stage all over again, and it feels great, but the truth is that it will not last. Once it fades, you are going to find yourself back in the same place you were before.

You are still the same people. It does not matter how much time has passed, your reflection in the mirror is still the same. You have the same DNA, the same qualities, and the same characteristics as the last time you gave it a go. You have to be honest with yourself; you are still the two people who decided at one point this relationship is not worth the effort anymore.

You have already gone there emotionally. Being vulnerable is not an easy thing to do. You did it, you invested a piece of your soul into this relationship, and you took it back when you walked away. You know the highs, and you know the lows. The highs weren’t enough to keep you before; they won’t be enough now. You have already survived the low, so when “the fit hits the shan” (you can interpret that for yourselves), your first thought will be to cut the cord. 

You are human. We weren’t designed to live life pressing the rewind button. You can try to go back to the beginning, but all you are going to find are the same issues and the same problems you had the last time. You don’t grow or progress by doing the same thing over again. You grow and progress by moving in a forward direction and only looking back to see how far you have come. 

Everything is in timing. People come into your life for a reason, and people leave your life for a reason. Some are meant to stay, and some are meant to teach you something. You can only force something that is not meant to be for so long. You have to remember that you broke up for a reason, take this opportunity to learn from it and be better off in your next relationship.

One thing many people fail to consider when they get caught up in the cycle is that they will never be able to get that time back. Sometimes the most difficult decisions in life come with great reward. If you want to truly find your person, you have to let go of what is holding you back…

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