Breaking up at any time of the year is difficult, but when it
happens over Christmas it’s often harder to recover and move on with
your life. I've been that guy who ended a relationship during the holidays before, so I write this with from both sides. No one wants their Christmas present to be the end of the
relationship but the reality is that Christmas, with its associated
stress, increases alcohol consumption, family pressures and expectations
is often the time when unstable relationships finally fall. If you’ve suffered a break up during the holiday season, here are some tips to help
you recover so that by the time next Christmas rolls around you’ll be in
a much better space.
Is it really over? Before you can even begin the process of recovery you need to fully
accept that the relationship is over and that there’s nothing to
salvage. Maybe your heart is bruised but not
broken. Now the trimmings are down and you’re back in the normal routine
of life, hurt feelings will begin to fade and you can take an honest
look at the relationship. Do you love this person? Is pride stopping you
from going back? Or are you relieved that it’s over and you're looking forward to
moving on and putting it all behind you?
Letting go. An essential part of the healing process is letting go. This means
letting go of blame, dreams of how it might have been different,
accusations and recriminations. It means letting go of the hope you had
for this relationship. This is often the hardest part, you thought your
future was going to be a certain way, and now it’s not. Like any grief
caused by loss it will take time to heal. You can only let go once you fully accept that it’s over. Prior to
that you may find yourself being drawn back into the relationship trying
to make it right; talking it through endlessly with your friends and
thinking about it all the time to the point where you drive yourself
crazy. There may be some painful conversations with your ex as you both try
to understand what went wrong but if you really want to recover there
will come a point where you’ll have to walk away and put some space
between you. Maybe you will be friends in the future, maybe not, but
space is needed for the relationship to end.
A New Year, a new you. The beginning of a new year is a great time to make a new start.
Everyone is motivated to make those changes like quitting smoking or
losing a few pounds. When you’re raw and vulnerable from a breakup it’s
important to start to build your self-esteem back up. Avoid setting yourself impossible targets, but do make any small
changes which will help you feel good about yourself like reconnecting
with friends or taking up long-forgotten hobbies or starting new ones. Exercise is a brilliant antidote to low mood because it produces
feel-good endorphins. You don’t have to pound it out at the gym everyday, but a 20 minute walk on your lunch break will help clear your head
and a dance around your kitchen will lighten your mood.
Look to the future. It’s all too easy to wallow in the pain of the past analyzing
everything that led to the break up, but there will come a point where
you have to decide to move on and look to the future. How long this
takes will vary enormously depending on how long you were in the
relationship. You‘ll know when you’re ready to put your toe back in the
water and you should listen to your own heart rather than be pressured
by anyone else to start dating again.
Although it may not feel like it at the moment, you can and will
recover from this breakup; no matter how painful it feels right now. Get
support from friends and family, be gentle and kind to yourself and
remember that by the time next Christmas comes around all this will be a
distant memory...
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