Monday, December 7, 2015

The 12 Blogs of Christmas: It's Just December...


This time of year, whether you’re single or in a relationship, can bring about an incredible amount of anxiety. It can also have you thinking and doing things that in retrospect, when you get to January, will have you wondering if someone was coming into your home and spiking you with a cocktail of Drama and Relationship Crack. I of course, say this with experience.

I’ve ended a relationship before Christmas because I couldn’t face having to grin and bear it, and then I’ve grimaced my way through another. If like me, you’ve done all manner of bonkers stuff around the holidays, whether it’s suddenly reaching out to an ex or being receptive to their overtures, or suddenly thinking you’re owed a Christmas miracle and a happy ending, it’s time to ask:
What is SO freaking special about December??? Why do we allow December to take on all manner of meaning and start making grand assumptions, and even grander plans while buying into the fantasy?
I get December on the spiritual and religious level, I get it even on the emotional level. I recognize that as the end of the year approaches, it’s natural to be reflective. It doesn’t explain why we allow what is another month on the calendar, along with some heavy marketing, peer pressure and internal pressure, along with our overactive imaginations, overactive penises, vaginas, and libidos to turn us all holiday crazy. 
It’s just December. It’s just the holidays. How much power do you want to give away again?
For people who are struggling with their self-esteem or an unhealthy relationship, you spend eleven freaking months of the year handing your power over to other factors such as your current partner, or an ex, or your job, or your past, or your family or whatever, and now December comes along and it acts like it owns you.

I remember a very old episode of The Simpsons (The Last Temptation of Homer) where Homer almost gets himself into an affair situation with his coworker Mindy. All evening he appears to be getting signs, including from a fortune cookie, that says he’s going to have sex with her. He ends up sitting beside her on a bed in a hotel room looking utterly miserable as he announces that they’re going to have sex. Mindy tells him he doesn’t have to, and he says “Yes we do! The cookie told me so.”
...and THAT is what December is like for a lot of people.
We hook up with our exes, buy cards, send texts, reply to what can only be regarded as low level contact, break our necks trying to think up the perfect gift for someone undeserving, allow ourselves to be used by keeping someone’s bed and their ego warm for the season so that we can pretend that our life is better than it is. We hold crappy relationships together as if the magic of ‘December’ will fix problems that only the both of us can fix. We bust our balls about how crappy our life is in comparison to an image of happiness that is being sold by companies that want to make money out of us, and essentially allow ourselves to be ‘led’ by an image of a month. You don't have to go to Jared, put a Lexus with the big red bow in your driveway, and every kiss certainly does not begin with Kay. When January arrives and you're asked why you did all that stuff, don't be like Homer Simpson and say "I had to do it, December told me so!"

It’s no wonder we get in our angst when we’re being sold ‘Christmas’ from as early as October. If you don’t have the presence of mind to remember who you are, what your values are, and the fact that there’s eleven other months in the year, you may end up doing something in the short-term that leaves you with a medium to long-term hangover.
It’s like saying to yourself, “Screw it! I’m going to throw caution to the wind and send that text, or buy into the fantasy that my ex (who has already shown and told me who they are) might gift me with my fantasy of them making me the exception to their rule.”
It’s just the holidays. Yes it can be a pain in the butt if your family descends into arguments at the dinner table, or you’ve fallen out, or you’re hurt, or you feel like it highlights everything that’s missing from your life. Don’t get things twisted, it’s just a few weeks and you can make them as big or as small as you want. Whatever you do, put yourself in the driver's seat of your own life. Unless you’re taking part in a nativity play, you’re not taking on the role of the sheep.
 
Whatever your religious inclinations, the true meaning of Christmas was never about opting back into a poor relationship to massage your ego for a few weeks, or holding onto something that detracts from you just so you can say that you’re miserable but you’re with someone. If it doesn’t work for you during the first eleven months, it’s not about to suddenly give you the ‘fairytale’ because it’s December...

relationshiplessons.net 

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