The 12 Blogs of Christmas: Unwrap That NO Once In A While

Saying no to things I don’t want to do is liberating, especially during the holidays. In the past twelve hours alone, I've been asked about fifteen questions like the following in my inbox…

1. “Hey, I know you usually take the weekends off from hanging out with people… but can you help me move on Saturday?”
2. “Hey! I’m building up a coaching practice of my own and I’d love to pick your brain over coffee. When is a good time for you?”
3. “Hey man, it’s your old acquaintance you barely know! Would you mind reading my super-quick twelve-paragraph question about my love life and answering it for free?”

1, nope. 2, no thanks. And 3, definitely not. Boundaries are great like that, you get to say no to exactly what you want to say no to, and that makes it that much sweeter when you say YES to the things that you do want to say yes to. 

People often worry and say, “What if I say no to them and they don’t like it/me?” First of all, we can’t control other people’s reactions, and try as we must, we definitely can’t control their perceptions of us. No matter how we act, sometimes people are not going to be happy with us, and that’s a fact of life. Secondly, if the people in your life are so easily perturbed by you saying no to them once or twice, then maybe your relationship with that person isn’t strong enough to warrant them being in your life. Bottom line, the people who are meant to be in your life will remain in your life, when you set boundaries from a genuine place of honoring yourself.

I know I might be a fairly polarized example of this, being that I am a highly sensitive introvert who really cherishes his alone time to create in solitude, but I really do say no to over 95% of all of the requests that I get coming into my inboxes (the one exception being people who look to start a blog of their own). And like I mentioned, when I DO say yes to that radio interview, or that first date, or that new client, then I feel so energized by it because I know that it happened by choice and not by chance.

Remember, the most valuable resource you will ever have is your time. You can always make more money, but you can’t make more time. Your time is your gold, so don’t give away your gold for free, and don't give it away to people who don’t appreciate it much to begin with. Obviously this is contextual. If you are single and get one offer to go on a date per month, you might not want to say no to 95% of those, or maybe you do because you’re too busy asking out people that you are excited about.

Starting today, commit to only doing the things that you want to do, and spend your time with the people you love. There will always be other options, and there will be hundreds of "but maybe scenarios" out there to choose from, but your heart and your gut knows what’s up. You have to trust that inner guidance, and you must be willing to face the disapproval of others when you decide to make changes in your life. Unfortunately for a lot of people, those changes start with your ability to set boundaries. So say no when you want to say no, and give an emphatic yes when you want to say yes.

You’re allowed to be happy. You’re also allowed to not do things you don't want to do. Starting today, you have full permission, until forever...

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