If I can be honest, there is so much garbage out there when it comes to relationship advice. I
think it’s because most people want the quick fix, and there are no
quick fixes when it comes to relationships. There is a popular line
of thinking out there that the way to a woman’s heart is to buy her things,
“the more expensive the better.”
While its brilliant marketing by the jewelry companies, there is one gift
I’ve found that trumps any kind of material good every single time. Every time
I give this gift, she falls more and more in love with me. It’s a gift in fact that
works every time, no matter how many times I give her this same gift. What is
this gift you ask? What is the thing that I can give her every time that’s more
precious than anything material? Presence...
That’s right; the best gift you can give your partner is your unwavering,
commanding presence. But what really is presence? It’s a word that’s often
tossed around a lot these days, but what does it really mean? Presence for me
means being able to generate attention to something, without anything else
getting in the way and disrupting my ability to do so. In other words, I’m
focused on one thing and only one thing. My mind is quiet, without thoughts, and
every action is in service to the object of my attention. Nothing can distract
me from what I am focused on. There’s something specifically that happens to a
woman when the man she loves is able to be fully present with her in the
moment.
Now this might seem crazy for a lot of men out there – especially given what
we are brought up to believe by the media and socialization, that the way to
her heart is through “things” and that we need to constantly prove our love to
them in buying them what we think they want. Maybe because of what we are
indoctrinated with at a young age, is why women love a man who is able to be
present in the moment with them. Many single women I know have talked about how
they yearn for a man who can be present with them on dates.
When it comes to relationships and marriage, a lot of things can get in the
way of us men being present. I know I’ve certainly been guilty of thinking that
other things are more important than the attention I give – things like
building my craft so that we can have a secure future, or focused on the doings
of day-to-day life. Things that by their very nature are important to me, and
should be, but oftentimes can get in the way of me taking the time to really
sit down and be with anyone.
The things you are dealing with in your life are in fact all important
things that need to get handled, but often times I’ve done these things and
thought of myself as a good man because “I took care of business.” This is the
trap that we as men can fall into that we think makes us good partners. The
truth is, that’s only half the equation. All of those things are important and
do need to get done, but the other half of it is how much attention can you
give your partner and for how long?
A study about why women cheat (check it out here)
reveals that most women cheat because they want more sexual passion in their
relationship. Presence is one of the big elements that helps create sexual
passion inside any relationship. When you are present in your relationship, you
are connected with your partner. When you are connected with your partner, you
will be present to the love and passion you have for each other. One of the
extra benefits of taking on being present is that your partner is less likely
to look elsewhere for passion.
So the next time that you are busy handling everything that comes on your
plate with regards to life, stop and ask yourself: How much time have I
spent being present with my partner? If you answer that question is not
enough, carve some time out of your schedule to sit and connect. I promise you it
will be well worth your time…
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