Monday, February 8, 2016

Men, Here's a Valentine's Day Gift You Should Give



If I can be honest, there is so much garbage out there when it comes to relationship advice. I think it’s because most people want the quick fix, and there are no quick fixes when it comes to relationships. There is a popular line of thinking out there that the way to a woman’s heart is to buy her things, “the more expensive the better.”

While its brilliant marketing by the jewelry companies, there is one gift I’ve found that trumps any kind of material good every single time. Every time I give this gift, she falls more and more in love with me. It’s a gift in fact that works every time, no matter how many times I give her this same gift. What is this gift you ask? What is the thing that I can give her every time that’s more precious than anything material? Presence... 

That’s right; the best gift you can give your partner is your unwavering, commanding presence. But what really is presence? It’s a word that’s often tossed around a lot these days, but what does it really mean? Presence for me means being able to generate attention to something, without anything else getting in the way and disrupting my ability to do so. In other words, I’m focused on one thing and only one thing. My mind is quiet, without thoughts, and every action is in service to the object of my attention. Nothing can distract me from what I am focused on. There’s something specifically that happens to a woman when the man she loves is able to be fully present with her in the moment.

Now this might seem crazy for a lot of men out there – especially given what we are brought up to believe by the media and socialization, that the way to her heart is through “things” and that we need to constantly prove our love to them in buying them what we think they want. Maybe because of what we are indoctrinated with at a young age, is why women love a man who is able to be present in the moment with them. Many single women I know have talked about how they yearn for a man who can be present with them on dates.

When it comes to relationships and marriage, a lot of things can get in the way of us men being present. I know I’ve certainly been guilty of thinking that other things are more important than the attention I give – things like building my craft so that we can have a secure future, or focused on the doings of day-to-day life. Things that by their very nature are important to me, and should be, but oftentimes can get in the way of me taking the time to really sit down and be with anyone.

The things you are dealing with in your life are in fact all important things that need to get handled, but often times I’ve done these things and thought of myself as a good man because “I took care of business.” This is the trap that we as men can fall into that we think makes us good partners. The truth is, that’s only half the equation. All of those things are important and do need to get done, but the other half of it is how much attention can you give your partner and for how long?

A study about why women cheat (check it out here) reveals that most women cheat because they want more sexual passion in their relationship. Presence is one of the big elements that helps create sexual passion inside any relationship. When you are present in your relationship, you are connected with your partner. When you are connected with your partner, you will be present to the love and passion you have for each other. One of the extra benefits of taking on being present is that your partner is less likely to look elsewhere for passion.

So the next time that you are busy handling everything that comes on your plate with regards to life, stop and ask yourself: How much time have I spent being present with my partner? If you answer that question is not enough, carve some time out of your schedule to sit and connect. I promise you it will be well worth your time…

No comments:

Post a Comment