A Change In Your Order Is In Order

Now is the perfect time, not the end of the year or the beginning of the next year, to reflect on your past relationships, and determine what you are looking for in your next partner. It is also the perfect time of year to take this next piece of advice into consideration. I promise if you do, it will make all the difference in your love life.

Stop looking for a match based purely on chemistry.

When singles date, they usually place value on three things, and it is usually in this order: 1. Chemistry, 2. Common interests, and 3. Similar relationship goals and values

Yes, these are the three things you should look for in a partner, but the order above is wrong! Chemistry equals attraction, and in my experience, solely basing it on chemistry is the worst basis for a long-term relationship or marriage. In fact, a match based on chemistry rarely lasts very long at all. When you are wildly attracted to someone, your endorphins go crazy and you can’t think straight! You in essence become blinded by “love” (or lust) and you don’t see the things about this person that might make them a terrible match for you.

To find someone who could be a successful long-term match, you actually have to place these three things in the opposite order. Top priority should be common relationship goals and values, then common interests, and finally chemistry. Common relationship goals are so important because if you know that you want marriage and kids and the person you are excited about just wants a casual relationship, that is obviously not going to work. It will end in heartbreak, no matter how much you think the attraction and chemistry is there.

Values matter a lot as well because if you love animals and nature, and you are super generous of heart, and you always want to give peace a chance, it might be tough to go for a militant conservative that has no interest in nature, animals, or peace. I hope you get the point! Common interests are what bring you together and keep you together. Even if you do not have interests that are totally aligned, there have to be a few things that you love doing together to keep things exciting and fun.

 

Finally, of course chemistry does need to be present, you should be attracted to your mate, but it is not the end all be all. If you meet someone that you are on the fence about chemistry wise but know you have the same goals, values, and interests, then you might want to give it some time. You might be pleasantly surprised to learn about the person in front of you...