Blame Disney

There are over 100 million single adults over the age of 25 in our country and for most of these adults the thought of being single and dating is similar sometimes to having a red hot poker jammed in your eye. Based on the research of some, most single women don't like dating and being single. When it comes to finding that special guy to share their life with many of these women state there is hope in their heart, but they honestly admit they are not too optimistic of true love being in their future. Why do these women feel this way? Many base it on their experience with men and their past relationships. Imagine if you wanted to eat some Italian food, and every time you went out to eat Italian food you had a bad experience. It wouldn’t be long before you started saying to yourself “Italian food sucks”. It would be only natural, and who could blame you? Here you are trying to find a great place to enjoy your favorite food, but every time you thought you found “the one” it left you unsatisfied and disappointed.

Well, isn’t that how it is for you with men and your relationships? You want a great guy but after each guy you date, and each failed relationship it makes it harder to believe that true love actually exists, doesn’t it? It’s understandable because I felt that way a long time ago too. In fact, I have a theory and I call it the “Disney Myth”. And this theory says that the reason most women have a hard time with men and relationships is because they have a distorted view of what true love really is. As a little girl grows, she hears story after story about how she needs to be saved by a prince on the white horse or rescued by some knight in shining armor. These stories unknowingly paint a picture that in order for a woman to live happily ever after, she needs a man to rescue and save her. She learns that her ultimate life happiness depends on a male hero. This storyline exists in most of the Disney movies, including Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Sleeping Beauty, etc. In the 70’s and early 80’s Disney movies played a role in the childhood of most kids. But as I got older and started dating I soon realized that many of these single women who had grown up in this era had an unrealistic distortion of love and relationships.

I learned that life was going to throw stuff at you, and if both people weren’t prepared to handle what life was throwing at them and not work together, the chances of living happily ever after as portrayed in the Disney movies becomes much more difficult to achieve. What Disney left out of all of these movies is there is something called "the life after you fall in love". True love is a commitment between two people to be there for each other and to support each other in the face of life and all of its challenges. Because the truth is no matter who you are, life is going to throw stuff at you. And if your “Prince” doesn’t have the skills and tools to meet your needs, it won’t be long before happily ever after turns into miserably divorced. I find it amazing that in the world we live in our educational systems teach us NOTHING about relationships. I went to school for 16 years, and in those 16 years I had NOT ONE class on relationships and what would be necessary to increase one’s chances of living happily ever after. Unfortunately I had to figure it out on my own. I took my relationship lumps and bumps, and made a lot of bad choices along the way, but I ultimately figured it out. I learned that the key to a happy, fulfilling and successful relationship is picking the right partner for the right reasons. It is about being clear about who you are and what you have to offer and picking a partner who compliments you, and who is on the same page in regards to your life goals and visions. A relationship is a true partnership between two people. It doesn’t make a difference how cute you look together or how much you think you love each other. What matters most is the two individuals love, respect and honor each other in a way that they work together to create the results that they both desire. Many little girls grow up and dream of finding their prince. They grow up dreaming about being the princess and wearing the white dress one day. Years are spent focusing on the fantasy of the wedding day and what it will be like. For many that day comes, and once that day is over they realize that true love and having a successful relationship is much more than they realized. Unfortunately Disney left that part out...

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What To Do With Your Newly Single Self

When I have been in a relationship for any extended period of time, I have felt quite lost when it has come to an end. Maybe it is because I have let too much of me go to be in the relationship, or maybe we all have to compromise a little something to stay with someone, or maybe it is a combination of both. I usually have this feeling of being a coiled spring that has been pushed all the way down, then being let loose. And like at the end of my last break-up, all of a sudden I was sprung free to be me! How incredibly awesome that felt to be catapulted back to life! Except for being left with the very brief quandary of wondering who am I again, and what do I like and not like to do, it took a while for the dust to settle but I was determined to find me again.

I thought that I would put together some interests for everyone to see what they'd like and don’t like to do, so you can get motivated to find yourselves and remember that you do have a self buried in there somewhere. I would love to know ideas of activities and interests, if you know of any, to be added to this list as well. We should date ourselves first and fill up our own lives, because who knows when Mr. or Ms. Right is going to suddenly appear. When it happens, we won’t have as much free time, so we best get cracking and make the most of our lives right now! This list is far from exhaustive, and many of these interests are bound to have clubs attached to them if you are game to join. I have tried to also include activities that are of little or no cost. Depending upon the country that you are in, there are online social clubs out there with an enormously diverse range of activities organized by its members. These are not dating clubs, they are people like you and I who like to be out and about doing things and meeting new people.

Traveling, join a health club, learn how to ride a motorcycle, play golf, play tennis, learn how to bowl, cooking classes, ceramics, painting, dancing lessons, movie clubs, book clubs, dog walking, basketball, photography, hiking, biking, skydiving, volunteer service projects, political action groups, 4 wheel riding, home repair, automotive repair, and the list goes on and on...

I stumbled across one of these clubs when I was six months separated from my last wife, and since then, I have never looked back. Some of these groups are reasonably cheap, but please remember that these are clubs.You will meet people from every walk of life and every personality, so leave your judgement at home and go with an attitude of meeting new and interesting people that you would never normally have the chance to meet. You are all there to have fun and bond over common interests and activities. If you make friends along the way like I have, then even better! A word of caution, please think long and hard about dating anyone within these clubs. This is your safe place to go when you are by yourself, so be very careful about creating complications there. Instead of staying home and feeling lost and sorry for yourself, start getting on with your new life. You may not have too long to wait before you are back in a relationship again, so cherish every moment of your singlehood...

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