The Month of "Amayzing Love"

By now I think you all should know that I consider myself "love's biggest fan". And as love's biggest fan, it is my responsibility to promote love in every way possible. Today is May 1st and in Chicago, its going to be another beautiful 82 degree day (the third straight day after a slow spring, weather wise). My enthusiasm for the change of seasons has spilled over into what I call the change of relationship seasons everywhere. Let me encourage you to come out of the relationship funk you might be experiencing long enough to hear from "love's biggest fan" for at least until the end of this blog.

It's time to do a little "spring cleaning" around the areas of your heart. Grab some empty boxes and pack up the memory of the man or woman who recently done you wrong. Easier said than done? Absolutely! But if all you do is "say it", you'll never get to the point that you've "done it". I'm convinced that real, true, unconditional love is out there for everyone, but it just won't show up at your door and persistently ring the bell until you open it. There is a little work you have to do to find it, but its work that CAN be done! As "love's biggest fan", I have declared the month of May to be "the month of aMAYzing love". Meaning this month, I will promote the power that love can have on us, no matter if you're single, married, divorced, in a relationship, just out of a relationship, in a complicated relationship, just looking, just flirting, just confused...I don't care, love is out there! 

Over the weekend I watched a program in which men were just considered to be no good manipulative schemers. My takeaway from it was there never can never be a reformed man. A man who was a cheater, will always be a cheater. A man who was untrustworthy in a relationship can never be trusted again. I was just fuming between commercial breaks, and at the end of the show, they never gave women any hope that good men existed. It got me to thinking, and I came up with the aMAYzing love promotion. My job is to remind women all over the planet that there are some aMAYzing stories of men who have become reformed, rehabilitated, and have made every step to become better than they were in the earlier days of their lives. If you need an example of what that kind of man looks like, just look at ME! I haven't always been this guy who supposedly has an answer or two, this thing took some time, and hearts were broken along the way because I didn't know what I was doing. There are stories of control, abuse, and infidelity that would make your head spin. But I went through a process that changed my life, and so I go against the stereotype that a man will never change. What makes this story aMAYzing is the change I went through that makes it possible for other men to do the same. 

If I could stand on top of the Willis Tower in Chicago, and shout it for everyone to hear, I would say LOVE IS POSSIBLE! What makes it possible are stories of positive love occurrences. So this month, you'll hear it from me, you'll hear it from others on the Relationship Lessons page on Facebook, and you'll hear it from guest bloggers, because yes I'm tired of the there are no good men in the world statements flooding out minds...SNAP OUT OF IT! Grab your empty box, clean out the negativity, and join love's biggest fan in a month of positive aMAYzing love!

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Change Him, or Change Yourself?

How many times have you told yourself that he will change? Have you ever thought you could change him? Are you frustrating yourself (and maybe him) in your efforts to change his behavior? Maybe you’ve been in this situation or you probably know someone who has. Maybe you’ve been successful, or maybe you’ve had your heart broken. Either way, one thing is sure: he won’t change if he doesn’t want to. Well, I’m not going to give you advice on how to change your man. Instead, let me share a bit of insight on what you can do during the dating process. Consider it a better way to playing in the relationship chess match.

1) Determine if it’s a deal breaker. OK so maybe he has some annoying little habits like cracking knuckles or whatever. Is it something you can live with? I mean, I’m sure we all have some annoying habits. In fact, often we don’t even realize we do them. If you determine that it’s not a “deal breaker”, you’ll learn to live with it and maybe even (nicely) bring it to his attention if he is unaware. Careful though, he might bring up some of your quirks too. The point is, if it’s something you can live with, don’t make a big deal out of it. Now there are some things that should just be obvious deal breakers for someone looking for a serious relationship. These are called non-negotiables.

2) Non-Negotiables. Substance abuse, excessive drinking, violence, anger problems. Don’t expect these things to go away as he “grows up”. Things like these should not be tolerated. You deserve better so just avoid guys like that. No guy is worth getting beat up over. Don’t go into a serious relationship hoping that he will change or grow out of a “non-negotiable”. Non-negotiables don’t have to just be negative things you don’t want, but think of some positive things that you want in your future mate. I believe that having a similar outlook on life, dreams and sharing the same faith are also very important. It’s good to have an idea what you want before getting too serious.

3) Make a list. Even before you start dating, write down a list of the positive things you would like in your future mate, and the negative things you don’t want. Then determine how important they are to you. For example, have some non-negotiable deal breakers and some things you would like, but could live without. Just be serious and realistic. You deserve to be treated well.

4) Rate Your Date. OK, I don’t mean go home after your date and grade him on a scale of 1 to 10. But pull out your list. Does he hit one or more of your non-negotiables? Cut him loose. Is he missing some of your “would like, but don’t need’s”? Give him a chance. The “would likes” should just be a guideline. If you go into your dates knowing what you want and don’t want, then you’ll better be able to weed out the bad ones before you get too attached.

5) Review before getting too serious. So maybe you’ve been on a few dates and things are going good. Maybe you’re thinking about getting more serious with each other. This is where I would suggest having a look at your non-negotiable deal breakers again. Most people are on their best behavior when first dating. It can take several dates until you are both more comfortable and more personality traits start to surface. This is where many people make the mistake of thinking “he will change”. You made a list of non-negotiables for a reason. Doesn’t matter how rich or good looking he is, review that list of non-negotiables and stick with it. That’s why it is so important to be serious and think long and hard when making your list.

The most important thing is to know what you want in your mate and how you want to be treated. With that being said, make sure you treat him the way you want to be treated. Now it's your move...

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