Thinking to myself, at some point I will write about “Why Men Don’t Put In Work Dating.” It
will deal with men deciding not to court a woman we aren’t sure are worth it, but that is a blog for another day.
Today’s post will differ from that a little, because it’s about the perspective of wanting to
court a woman we think is worth it. I used the word “fear” in my title above,
but maybe "fear" is too strong of a word. Men are certainly skeptical about
courting a woman, and here's why...
In a perfect world, men WANT to court women. If a man is ready for a meaningful relationship, he will be willing
to court. The issue with every guy is just about the same: we want to know that things have the potential
to head somewhere. We’re problem solvers by nature. We’re inclined to
want results in whatever we do, and a man who wants to build a relationship has no issue in
building all elements of intimacy. The hanging out, the playing games,
and the watching movies are all welcomed. We want to connect with a
woman beyond her body. Of course us wanting to be sure that things have
potential can make courting less organic. Maybe if we had some
assurance without bringing it up ourselves, it could ease all of that.
This topic teeters on the fence of the very, VERY dreaded "friend zone" area. A subject that has been written and spoken about many times by me, but nevertheless it’s back, and it plays some role in our psyche. If a man
is into you and wants to court you then he sure should be your friend, but that man does not want to stay at entry-level forever. When a woman
says she wants to focus on being friends first, we feel like she’s
crying wolf. It isn’t her fault, but the fault of others before her. We
don’t always react well to these situations because quite frankly we’re
confused. Take the movie “Think Like A Man” for example: Lauren (played by Taraji P. Henson) tells
Dominic (played by Michael Ealy) that after all they shared, they should just be
friends. He cuts her off mid sentence and finishes it. He’s been down
the road that we all have. He has the same response we do as well. “I have
enough friends!” he exclaims, and it’s true; we see something more in
you all.
We know the value of friendship. We see becoming friends as a gamble. If we did start as friends we
worry we’ll be put in a box. Moreover, too many women have used “let’s
be friends first” as an ugly scapegoat to say they weren’t interested.
The biggest thing that really throws us off our game is when a woman
says who her ideal man should be. Across the board women say their
partner should be their best friend. So when a woman says she doesn’t
want to “damage” a friendship, we mentally lose it. We’re mind-boggled in the mind and we become boggled (just like this sentence).
If your partner should be your best friend, then aren’t you risking the
ultimate friendship by being with them? There’s something else going on
here. There’s another reason for this that I need the ladies to answer.
If you haven’t met enough men willing to take their time and court
you, it’s because they’re paranoid. It isn’t always because we all want
sex and need it on the double. Women have had their hand in the sullying
of the courting process as well. This is in need of acknowledgement.
Ladies, do you agree? Have you always been honest if someone just didn’t
have a chance to be more than a friend? Fellas, can you relate to the
post? Are we just more skeptical of doing things the “right” way? This
version of the conversation is worth having, and hopefully we can have it here. Feel free to share...
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