Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Cure for the Alpha Woman

When it comes to making typical household decisions, a recent survey shows that women call the shots in 43 percent of relationships. Many of these women are often referred to as Alpha women. An alpha woman can best be described as a total B.I.T.C.H. or otherwise known as a "Babe In Total Control of Herself". She’s confident and assertive, good looking and intelligent. She’s sassy, bossy and classy all at the same time, and when it comes to relationship ready men, she prefers to run the show and have the final say.

For the alpha female, finding a relationship ready man is relatively easy, so long as you’re willing to overlook a few minor factors in favor of the big picture – YOUR big picture, that is. Your ideal relationship could be right under your nose, but you’d never know it because you’re too busy adding to your checklist of relationship requirements that have nothing to do with relationships and everything to do with the relationship ready man that’s right for you. The relationship ready man for you may not be as tall, handsome or as intelligent as you might have envisioned, but he’ll make up for it in other ways if given the chance.

There are two types of relationship ready men that fare well for the Alpha woman. The important thing to note here is that both these type of men share one common characteristic. They are both Beta men who are usually attracted to the Alpha woman who likes being in control. Beta men are less dominant than their Alpha male counterparts and tend to be submissive in their relationships. When an Alpha woman pairs up with an Alpha male, there is often a power struggle for control within the relationship, which is why Alpha women have more successful relationships with men who are less assertive and more acquiescent.

If you are the type of woman who knows exactly what she wants and goes for it, then the Beta man is the perfect relationship ready man for you. He’ll worship the ground you walk on and treat you with the utmost respect because he values and cherishes you. He admires your courage and strength and places you on a pedestal because he feels lucky that you chose him. He knows he’s not the best looking guy or smoothest guy in the room, so he does everything within his power to make sure your relationship needs are being met. A deep desire to please you is the Beta man’s best quality yet. This relationship ready man will be your biggest ally because he has no doubts about putting his complete faith and trust in you.

Do you want to be in control of your relationships? Do you want to be admired and treated with respect? Do you want someone who is willing to follow your lead and won’t butt heads with you? Do you want a relationship ready man who will support your dreams and help make them come true? Then try not to overlook the nice guy trying to start a conversation with you; he just might be the relationship ready man for you...

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Divorced and Dating with Baggage at 40

There are times when you can't advance in your relationship life without clearing away some of the weighty bags that hold you down. Truth be told, its not just your relationship life, but life in general that can hold you back if you don't rid some things. Back on September 21st, I talked about certain types of emotional baggage, but baggage can be many things to many people. Here’s a list of some types of relationship baggage, although I’m sure some things will be left out:

  1. Children from a previous marriage
  2. Hurt from a bitter divorce
  3. Trust issues from a cheating partner
  4. Disappointments from past dating experiences
  5. Money/credit issues from previous marriage (or life in general)
  6. Large child support or alimony payments
  7. Parental issues
  8. Self-esteem and image issues
  9. Work/career issues
  10. Health problems
  11. Poor outlook on life
  12. Negativity about love, dating, etc.
Whew – that’s a whole lot of baggage! Sort of like the quantity you might see at the airport. The truth is everyone has problems. From a Zen perspective, its said that everyone has 88 problems, and when you are lucky enough to get rid of one, another appears! So what can be done to minimize the stuff you carry around?

You are made from the totality of our experiences. How you LOOK at the totality of these experiences is what truly matters. That’s why #11 and 12 are the biggest bags of all – they're more like trunks, because they influence  your experience of everything that happens to you.

How can you LIVE and LEARN? Let’s say for example you had a brutal divorce which is traumatic and hard for anybody to live through, but you did. The question becomes, how can you LIVE and LEARN? What did you discover that you will never want to put up with again? What signs would you pay attention to next time? These “growth opportunities” can change you in a positive way, not just add to your negativity or baggage.

If you’re negative about love or life, that counts as baggage. Don’t kid yourself into thinking negativity is not one of the 88 problems. It’s the kind of baggage that screams out like a neon sign across your forehead. People can tell. I’ve been on both sides so I know first hand.

The best thing you can do is learn how to re-train your thinking. There are several productive and healthy methods to do this such as traditional therapy, hypnosis, energy balancing and healing, prayer, positive self-talk and affirmations. That’s just a partial list. Sometimes we need a blend of multiple options!

Start somewhere, anywhere. Once you begin your climb back up the attitude ladder, you will feel more optimistic, and dramatically increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex. The rewards for this healing work are plentiful and it’s well worth the trouble.

Empty out some of those bags or maybe let go and drop a few to find the love you want...

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