Marriage sadly, has lost much of its meaning in today’s society. Growing up
in a household where my parents have been together over 50 years, I was always under the impression that marriage meant forever. It's a pledge, a promise, a commitment to
another human being to be there for them and with them through thick and thin.
To be their teammate and their partner in love and in life. Unfortunately these days, "until death do us part" has become "until debt do us part" and "until I get
bored of you". With celebrities spending millions on marriages that last 72 days, over 50%
of American adults being single, and a higher-than-comfortable divorce rate,
one may begin to ask themselves what exactly is going on here. Now, I'm not throwing stones at this because I admit that I have been the bastard and a marital loser before myself on more than one occasion. It has made me think openly and honestly about what I need to do after doing some deep soul searching for my own sake.
I think a big part of this problem is that people are not fully aware of
what it really takes to commit to a marriage. They are rushing love, getting engaged (or
pregnant) before they really know someone, and before you
know it, a few years have gone by and the divorce lawyers are collecting
another payday. So if and when we are going to make
this important commitment to the person we love, what exactly is it that we
need to be able to promise them for the future? After all I've been through, I'm ready to promise the following to The One, because I think I've learned a few things, and maybe you can do the same...
“I promise to stick by you through tough times.”
I’m starting off with an important one. I have said it before and I’ll say
it again, anyone can stand by your side during the sunny days. The real test
of character is whether or not they will hold the umbrella over you during the
stormy days. When making a lifelong commitment to someone, you are committing to being
there for them “in sickness and in health.” Sickness – may not be a common
cold. It may be a large, life-altering challenge. It may be the sickness of a
family member. Maybe, your own sickness. It may not necessarily be a literal
health challenge, but perhaps a rough patch in life that tests your commitment
and love. You are not pledging to be a fair weather spouse and only be there
when times are good. You are pledging to be there – always.
“I promise to always make us a priority.”
Yes, strive for success. Yes, go for that promotion at work. Yes, hustle to take
your business to the next level. But be very careful not to destroy your
relationship through neglect in the process. Before you were a CEO or a
high-powered attorney or a doctor, you were a man or woman who fell in love.
You're a human being who is intimately and emotionally connected to another
human being. Even the greatest accomplishments in life lose their meaning when we have
lost the person we always wanted to share them with. The key is to find a
balance and build off of your relationship as a foundation, and appreciate your
teammate as part of your success as he or she supports you along the way.
Letting the scales tip too far in either direction will only lead to disaster.
“I promise will never let you forget how much I love you.”
As an extension of the previous point, sometimes life gets crazy and we lose
sight of things by accident. One of these things can easily be letting our
significant other know how much he or she means to us, daily. One of the
biggest problems in long term relationships is lack of gratitude. When someone
feels taken for granted it can easily breed resentment and a whole slew of
other problems that will eat away at your foundation. You’ll know you’ve found the right partner when they keep showing you how
much you mean to them, long after they’ve already committed to you.
“I promise I will not lose my identity.”
In any happy, healthy relationship, it is important that the two individuals
who are together still remain two individuals. Of course
your lives are combined into one and you have become an "us" but if either
partner begins to lose sight of their hopes, dreams, hobbies, or whatever makes
them a "them", it can bring about a deep dissatisfaction that
could be projected onto the relationship. This is another reason why self development is so important, as well as
personal growth. We need to be sure to not only grow as a couple, but also as
individuals alongside each other.
“I promise to keep things exciting.”
A step beyond consistently reminding someone you love them is literally
taking action to keep the spark alive. Spontaneous candle-lit dinners. A bath
running when they get home from work. A weekend getaway for no reason. When we start a fire, we cannot walk out of the room and expect it to keep
burning forever. We need to continue to add logs to it and to stoke it. If we
keep doing that, it will never go out. The problems arise when we stop giving
it the attention it requires in order to continue burning. Always keep stoking your fire.
The last five promises that I promise to promise will come next week as we begin love month, so stay tuned...
