The Villain In Your Story

I want you to think about your story. I want you to think about something in your life that is disappointing you. Maybe it was a marriage that didn’t go the right way. Maybe it was a relationship that didn’t work out. It might have been something to do with your job. It might have been a business decision that you made a long time ago. It might have been something from your childhood. I want you to think about that while I ask you this: Who is the villain in your story?

Of all the situations above, is there somebody that you are blaming for that something that happened to you? A lot of people always have a bad guy in their story. Somebody that has abandoned or left you, or disappointed you, or maybe didn't give you that job, or the love that you wanted. There is a villain in so many people’s stories. People are always looking for somebody to blame for issues in their life. Be honest, do you do that? If you still do it, then you are not taking responsibility for your part in the story.

In every story, there is good and bad. There is evil as well as nice. In every single relationship that didn’t work out, you may have been wronged, but you made those decisions and you were an equal participant in that story. A lot of times when we spin the story, it’s always about how that person that left us, abandoned us, or disappointed us. They didn’t do what we needed, and we’re telling that story over and over again, which means that we have not evolved as much as we really think we have. In order to become evolved, you need to lose the villain in your story. You also need to realize that the villain in the story may have been you all along.

You decided to put the blame on somebody else so you can have an easy out. When you do that, you haven’t learned the lesson that was presented to you in that relationship. When you don’t learn the lesson that’s presented to you, you’re going to find the next relationship will have another villain. That villain will look different, but that villain is going to be a villain. People will always wrong you, leave you, abandon you, and disappoint you because you are setting yourself up for that.

So, take a look at the story above, the topic that resonated with you, then make a conscious decision to re-frame that story. Take equal ownership of being the villain in that story because relationships are a partnership, equal ownership, 50/50. When you start accepting your share of the responsibility, you’ll actually start to attract better people in your life. You’ll no longer be the villain in the story because you’ll realize that you were the equal partner. 

Can you change your story in order to evolve? 

Afraid of Finding Love

People are so afraid of feeling vulnerable, they’ll avoid dating completely. Every single one of us feel vulnerable at some time or another in our lives. You can’t avoid it, and by avoiding getting close to anyone, you’re denying yourself the chance of ever being happy. I understand what it’s like though. You meet someone that blows your mind, and instantly all your insecurities come out.

You go on a few dates, the confidence flows easily, you're feeling comfortable, you're loving everything he says, and when he kisses you goodbye at the end of the night, it feels incredible. You’re lying there in bed, trying not to get carried away with it all, and then suddenly you realize, “Wait a second. I really like this guy!”

It feels great, but you feel vulnerable and you don’t like it. You’ve finally found someone you would like to connect with, but then you worry they won’t feel the same way. It’s a natural feeling. We all want to be loved, but you can’t avoid that natural primal desire in all of us.

You start to try every trick in the book to make sure they like you. Instead of being yourself, you create this template of what you’re “supposed” to be about (someone I like to call "The Representative"). After all, if they don’t feel the same way, you’re going to be alone and devastated! All the stupid dating “rules and regulations” out there don’t help. Some experts say play it cool, don’t show your feelings, wait for him to call you, etc. etc, blah blah blah.

We play so many games in our own head it’s ridiculous. Don’t let your fears and insecurities spoil it all for you. The biggest mistake I see women make when they meet a guy they connect with, is they kill any momentum they have with negative thoughts and fears. They start playing games, and following rules based on nothing. They shut off emotionally to try to protect themselves from disappointment that may never come. I know meeting someone new is scary. You worry they won’t feel the same, or that you’re going to be hurt again. What you have to remember is you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving love a chance. Just jump in headfirst and see what happens. Don’t miss the magic. Falling in love is an amazing feeling. People see the difference in you, and you feel the difference in yourself. You spend your hours wondering what they’re doing, and if they’re thinking of you. When you meet a man you connect with, go for it. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy getting to know him. The first few weeks of a new relationship is so beautiful, new, and exciting. You’re connecting, and feeling all those warm sensations you have when you start to fall for someone. They’re feelings you can’t get back so enjoy them in the moment. If you like him, tell him. Don’t hold back. You can help each other through your fears, because guess what, he will be feeling the same vulnerability as you are. I absolutely guarantee it. 

Love is one of life’s free pleasures, so don’t let your fears of the unknown spoil your chance of happiness...