What Freaks Me (and men) Out in Relationships

I'm a man, and there are certain zones of comfort that I have about my life. Being single means that I am the master of my own domain and the sole decision maker about what happens. But a relationship changes all that. Dating is the courting process when things are still gentle and polite and we aren’t pushing too hard in any one area. We just want to see if we are a match of some sort for each other. A relationship is a whole other animal altogether. Now there are expectations on how things are supposed to be, and this is where the freaking out starts. So here is a list of all the different things women do that could freak me (and men) out in a relationship.

1. Moving too fast. Sometimes this is just communication, but if we're clear that we're not ready to move in together or other something similar and you push too hard that freaks us out. A gentle nudge is fine but don’t try to force me.

2. Having expectations that I don’t know about or understand. “I thought you understood that is what I wanted,” is a sentence men hate to hear. No, I am a man and you are a woman. We don’t understand what you want or expect if you don’t explain it to us. We will freak out.

3. If you are being too needy or clingy. This goes a little with having my own space. You can’t go from single to married twenty years without adjustments. But smothering or taking up all of our time is not good. If men feel like we don’t have time to do our stuff or have our space we will freak out. This doesn’t mean we don’t care, but people need to have a life outside of a relationship.

4. Large family gatherings or meeting lots of friends early in a relationship. Yes if the relationship ends up being long, then we need to meet. But pushing this too quickly can be a lot of pressure and awkward for men. It is like a fishbowl feeling that can easily freak us out dealing with people judging our worthiness.

5. When you try to change us. Some change is good, but that goes both ways. Personal growth and maturity are fine. But if I love football, and you think it's a silly game that has no place in our relationship then there is a problem for all mankind. When you try to change some of the stuff that I like or love just because you don’t enjoy it then it will cause some big problems.

I don’t think these concepts are really earth shattering. But then again since men and women speak different languages, sometimes clarifying things is a really good idea. I cannot stress how important it is to talk to us clearly, and then listen to what we say and how we say it...

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