Lessons from Barbie (Guest Blogger)

I really love you guys for contributing to the page every Tuesday. I've had fun communicating with everyone, and if you want to keep the guest blogging party going, send me what you like people to know about your view on relationships to relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com. Today say hello to Bernie from Columbia, Missouri...

When I was a little girl, my Barbie doll had serious self-esteem issues. I remember exactly the scenario that I used to play out, over and over: Barbie would put on her prettiest dress and her highest heels (bubble gum pink, naturally). She would brush her long golden locks, tie a ribbon in her hair, and then she would sit and wait for Malibu Ken to pull up in his Corvette for their “big date.” Ken would ring the doorbell, and Barbie would welcome him inside her Dream House. He didn’t bring her flowers, he didn’t take her out to dinner (not even to the Barbie McDonald’s). They would take the elevator up to Barbie’s bedroom, take off their clothes, and get under the covers of Barbie’s canopy bed. After a few minutes of “sleeping” (I had no real idea of what this meant, just that there was something naughty about the fact that they were naked), Ken would get up, put on his jumpsuit and ascot and take off in the ‘vette, leaving Barbie home alone in her Dream House. That was their date.

Don’t ask me how a 6 year old got the idea to play “booty call”, but there was something seriously screwed up about Barbie’s idea of romance. But modern women everywhere accept this kind of “dating” all the time. Yes, we are empowered and equal. We have needs and desires and aren’t afraid to express them. If we want a “Friends With Benefits” arrangement, we can have one…so stop with the judgement! We can buy our own damn Dream House and we don’t need a man to do it, thank you very much! OK fine, yes, this is all true. But just because we can do almost everything a man can do doesn’t mean we should abandon our femininity or decide that we don’t need romance. Allowing a man to bring you flowers, plan romantic dates, and show signs of affection (beyond jumping into the Barbie Bed) does not make you weak. It simply means you’re accepting someone’s effort to show you that they find you attractive, interesting and special.

Even animals in the wild have courtship rituals, elaborate mating dances where males puff up their chests or fluff their feathers to prove they are worthy of their intended’s attention. So wait a minute...what exactly is courtship? As a practice, it began before the early 20th century as a means for a man and woman to spend  intentional time together in order to evaluate ones potential as a husband or wife. Not a bad idea, right?  The tokens of affection and elaborate efforts to “woo” women that come to mind when thinking of “the olden days” were just icing on the cake. It’s a concept that works well with our biology. Men are driven to pursue women. It’s the whole thrill-of-the-chase thing. They want to court you.

In fact, when you balk at his attempts (your outright refusal to let him pay the check, never letting him pick you up for a date, making it clear that you’re more than capable of opening your own car door) he may feel a little put off. And let’s be honest, being cherished and treated nicely feels good. It’s OK to admit it! Just don’t forget to thank him, show your appreciation, and reciprocate his efforts to pay. If he buys dinner, you insist on paying the tip or picking up dessert and coffee. You’re still polite and gracious, after all. It’s also OK to take your time getting to know a man before falling into bed with him. You certainly learn more about a person (and think more level-headed about him) before that pesky hormone starts going crazy and clouding your judgment about this man you’re suddenly getting naked with. Plus it’ll give him a chance to let his interest, attraction and intrigue in you grow, rather than mistaking you for an easy conquest. The truth is, a good man, one who is interested in getting to know you and possibly create a future with you, will court you. He will be so smitten, he won’t be able to help himself. It doesn’t mean that you have to lounge around and make him feed you grapes and fan you with palm leaves all day. It just means that he wants to treat you like the special creature that you are. And if that means holding a door or sending you a bouquet of daisies at work, is that so bad? I didn’t think so, and I wish my Barbie had knew better too.

facebook.com/min.randle
facebook.com/relationshiplessons
twitter.com/delvinrandle