The State of the Relationship Address

One of my favorite sayings is, "Everybody ain't able, baby". I'd often say it in response to someones failure, when it's actually my own way of letting people off the hook and not getting upset with them when they have either failed me, or failed a particular situation. In my eyes, it wasn't that they failed on purpose, instead I just decided that they failed because they couldn't or didn't know how to do better. Often times, relationships are not working out not due to anything dramatic or improper, sometimes a man or a woman just can't give you what you need because they don't have it to give. So if you find yourself in a relationship that just doesn't feel right, you might have to say to yourself "Everybody ain't able, baby" and keep it moving. When I started this blog back in September of 2012, I didn't see it as the voice that it has become now. I've had my own share of relationship lessons that I had to learn myself, but we all had to learn some things together I guess. So as I offer the "State of the Relationship Address", here is what I see...

I am a big fan of love, a big fan, a REALLY BIG FAN! And as love's #1 fan, I cannot be still and let a day like Valentine's Day bring anyone down. Wherever you are in love had, love lost, or love never had at all, you gotta believe in it. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this at all, right? If you are in a steady, wonderful, loving relationship, give thanks! If you are single this Valentine season and happy that you are loving yourself first, be thankful for knowing alone doesn't mean lonely in the least bit! If you are still looking for that special someone who can make your heart flutter and turn you into a schoolgirl-like puddle of giggles, you have plenty to be thankful for too! I've spent Valentine's Day as a single person, as an in a relationship person, as a married person, and as a divorced person. I've come to enjoy all of these states of relationships or non-relationships, even when I felt at the time I didn't understand why I was in it at that particular moment. It’s really an attitude, a decision, a choice. I've found lately what makes some people unhappy about being single on a day like Valentine's Day is wishing that they were somewhere else, either physically or relationship-wise. So my humble advice to all who are feeling that way now is this...GET OVER IT! You are where you are, so make the best of it and stop grumbling about what’s not right in your life. It's time for you to embrace where you are right now!

There is something about the way a classic romantic movie can transport you back to that feel-good place of the best loving moments of your life. Whether it’s movies like City of Angels, or Love Jones, or You've Got Mail, or Love and Basketball, or The Notebook or even my personal favorite Brown Sugar, there are positive messages of hope in every movie. The world can't get so jaded that we don’t enjoy the good feelings that a classic romantic movie can give to you. I know people who completely ban romantic comedies and love stories this week because they don't want to be reminded of where they used to be. I say crank up the DVD player and have at it! The relationship may have ended over something that can't be excused or tolerated, but not every memory you generate has to be entertained with a negative memory. 

Don't get caught up in the man bashing that is so common these days. Believe me, men also get caught up in woman bashing as well. So take a day off from thinking about what’s wrong with the opposite sex. Spend some time remembering what you like. Sure, your last relationship might have been a pain in the butt at times, but it also had good attributes, so focus on them. Be thankful that men are different from women. Yes, that can make them exasperating at times, but it’s also what makes the sparks fly (in a good way) when a man and a woman really connect. I can say now that I've found every woman I've had a relationship with amazing in their own individual way. The truth is, I would not have been with any of them if I didn't think they were particularly amazing. Sure we may not be together now, but they all have individually taken me as far as their point in my life would take me and I celebrate them for having a hand in where I am now. Which leads me to my last point.

Its been said that, "people enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime." As I have gotten older, I can affirm the truth in that statement. Fortunately, I've been blessed to maintain the great majority of my friendships, but I have also had friendships change and some end. It's the natural progression of life. When friendships and fellowships and relationships do end, you might have to remember the saying "Everyone ain't able, baby" and move on. So many of us have friendships that we value that either change or end. Conflict arises when we don't accept the reality of that shift. You can't fight the flow of the universe and expect to have harmony in your own life. It may be painful to move on, but it is probably best that you let it go, and let it flow.

No matter where you are or how happy you are in your current relationship circumstances, you have the ability to change yourself and your relationship status. Be thankful for your ability to envision a better you and a better situation for yourself. Yes definitely enjoy where you are today, but also take some time to envision what you want most. Imagine what that looks and feels like. This envisioning will make you feel better, and you’ll be even more thankful. This blog exists for this very reason above any other. I envision myself somewhere, with someone, and living out my "and they lived happily ever after" story. So I believe that it’s your choice. Do you want to be thankful or miserable this Valentine's Day? Thankfulness is much more enjoyable. Trust me, after everything I've been through, I know this from personal experience...

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