One of the things I look forward to most when I think about
fatherhood is passing along to my 12 year old son Jonathan the nuggets of wisdom I’ve gathered from my years of learning women. I've experienced these
things with my father, so a big part of me is excited about experiencing with my son his first crush, first girlfriend, and first love. I picture
us sitting together, as I begin revealing to him the secrets of manhood a father reveals to
his son when he becomes older. One Sunday, he’ll come downstairs to the man cave and
ask me how I knew his mom was "the one", and at that moment I’ll know that he believes that he
found his "one". I’ll tell him about marriage and its imperfections, and
he’ll tell me about who has his attention. In today’s post I want to share with you, the five things that I would share with him about women. Things I’ve learned along the way that
might be useful to some of you as well, but I'm not saying that any of you are my sons or anything...
5. Son, Always Have a Plan - When you meet a woman who interests you, the first step toward
carving out your own little space in her life is showing her that you
can be relied upon. The easiest way to show her that you’re reliable is
to tell her what you’re going to do and then do it. It starts with the
little things. If you take her business card and tell her you’ll email her the
next day, then email her the next day. Be on time when you meet for drinks and
when you decide to have your first official date, have it planned from
beginning to end. She won’t tell you how much she appreciates it right
away, but appreciate it she will. Having a plan and then knowing how to
make it come together is one of the easiest ways to separate yourself
from most of the men she’s encountered. Most women say they love
spontaneity, but what they don’t tell you is that they want that
spontaneity to be experienced within the confines of an executed plan. A
good woman will follow you through the gates of hell as long as you
have an exit strategy, and as long as you told her that going through
hell was part of the plan.
4. Son, You Can't Save Them All - If my son is like his father, he’ll have a soft spot in his heart for
most women regardless of their previous, current or future life
transgressions. As a pup, I thought all women were, by nature – good,
possessed of good morals and good character. The ones whose behavior
indicated otherwise were women who had somehow gone astray and could be
saved by the right man. The truth is, you will meet some women and you
will take them as they are. Be to them who you need to be at that moment
and allow her to be for you who you need her to be at that moment.
You’ll use each other, emotionally, sexually and in any other way you
might desire. That’s just part of life. The key is for you to make sure
you both go into it with both eyes open, communicating to one another
your expectations, accurately. You will not fall in
love with every woman who falls in love with you, you can’t be
everything for every woman you meet, and you can’t save all the women in
your life because not all of them will want to be saved. Some of them
will just want you, then.
3. Son, Let Her Talk, and Listen to What She Says - Another key part to endearing yourself to a woman you’re interested
in is letting her talk and listening to what she says. As men we like
to brag, we like to boast, we like to let women know how great we are.
There’s nothing wrong with that, in moderation – as you should be your
own biggest fan. The key is to make sure you do way more listening than
talking, especially in the early stages of a relationship. You’d be
surprised at how little women are heard in our society. Women are often
marginalized and unheard at their jobs, when they talk to their
girlfriend’s they usually just swap stories, never really taking in what
each other are saying. If you listen to what she says, taking care to
appreciate the everyday minutia of her life, she won’t be able to help
but fall for you. The other more important benefit of letting her talk
and listening to what she says is that you actually get to learn her.
You get a real opportunity to see what she’s really about, which will
help you determine whether or not this is someone you really want to be
with.
2. Son, Be Intriguing - To be handsome and have great style is a good thing. To be smart and
funny is even better. Having success is always an added bonus and of
course you want to be a great conversationalist. But above all those
things, the most important asset you have in your initial interactions
with a woman who piques your interest is your intrigue. The best women,
the ones who are worth reconfiguring your life around – they meet smart,
funny, interesting guys with style all the time, and usually they
forget about those guys. But there’s something special about the
intriguing man. If you are intriguing, she’ll find herself sitting at
her desk wondering what makes you tick. She’ll wonder if you were
serious when you said that funny thing she thought to be a joke at the
time, but now seems a bit more confounding. Most importantly, she’ll
wonder what you thought of her. She’ll wonder if you thought she was
attractive, funny, smart, dumb or corny. Being intriguing gives a woman
the opportunity to let her imagination run wild. Before she knows it,
she’ll find herself wondering what she thought about before she spent
her days thinking about you. So how does one be intriguing? It’s simple,
it starts with your attitude. You need to understand that not every
woman needs, wants, or deserves to know you. There are parts of you that
are yours and yours alone. Develop that sort of self-image and you will
exude it with those you meet. Don’t be self-absorbed and cocky about
it, but be confident that who you are is special and different from everyone
else. The knowledge of just how special and different you are is not
given freely to every pretty girl that comes along, but is instead
earned by the woman who is patient and discerning.
1. Son, Trust is a Gift Not Given to Every Woman You'll Encounter - The
most valuable gift you can ever give to a woman is your trust; give it
wisely and with discretion. There is no more important skill to develop
than the ability to learn people. The ability to learn people is
important because it is only after knowing a woman wholly and fully that
you should allow yourself to trust her. Even then, trust her to be who
you know her to be, not who she believes she is; there is often a
difference. Sometimes, when emotions are heavy and feelings are deep, a
woman will be more inclined to say what she thinks you want to hear.
She’s not lying to you or trying to deceive you; she’s saying what she
truly believes. It is your job to know her well enough at that point to
decide whether what she’s saying and what she’s capable of are one in
the same. You need to develop the discipline to base your actions on the
latter. Consistently doing this will make you a villain in the eyes of
some of the women you come to know, but it will also make you a hero to
others. Either way you should sleep soundly at night, secure in the
knowledge that what you’ve done was always what was best for both of
you.
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