The embryonic stage of your courtship, relationship or whatever you call
it when you first start dating is quintessentially the most important
time. While you’re excited to have met someone new or actually moving on
to a new part of your life, it’s a time where you have to make sure you
don’t ruin things by getting too far ahead of yourself. There’s nothing
that anyone can do about what goes on in your head about your new
dating adventure, but the goal is to keep those things from coming out.
Once those thoughts turn into actions, things can go awry. For today's lesson, here are the five things you should never do when you first start dating...
#1 Facebook Stalk - It seems as though most people’s first reaction to meeting someone
and finding out their last name is to immediately “friend” them on
Facebook. After the friendship is complete, ladies go straight into your
pictures looking for any recurring faces… like your ex-girlfriend. The
men go straight into your pictures looking for Spring Break pictures.
Both of these are wrong. Facebook is a great social networking tool, but
it shouldn’t replace good old-fashioned getting to know one another.
#2 Become a Sitter on Twitter - Think for a moment what Twitter is about. It’s a status updating
platform for people to tell the world everything they’re thinking. While
it may seem like a good idea to follow the person you just started
dating, don’t you think its rushing the process a bit? When people
tweet, they don’t necessarily tweet from the heart. There’s also a loss
of tone. How do you know if he or she is actually joking around or
playing with their friends? You can easily misinterpret them to be a
jerk or rude when in reality you just crashed their @’s trying to get an
inside scoop.
#3 Ask Invasive Questions - Ask anybody who knows me and they’ll tell you that I believe in
boundaries. I’m a little more complex than most guys because I’m very
careful not to ask questions that would lead to similar questions being
asked back. With that said, when you start to ask questions like, “Why
did you break up with your ex-girlfriend?” on the first date, or “So I
wanted to ask you about [that embarrassing story from college that
they’ve somehow uncovered by doing a deep dive on your past],” you’re
way out of line. When people ask me when is the right time to bring up
the tough questions, I always say, “When they’re necessary, not when you
feel like you need to know.”
#4 Rush Into Things - The easiest way to get to a meaningful relationship is to develop the
relationship organically. Organically means naturally and at a normal
pace without any additives. I understand that no one likes idle time, and I
also understand that people are goal-oriented but for heaven’s sake,
don’t rush the relationship! Take your time, give both yourselves time
to want to be in the midst of a relationship. You can’t go from dinner
on Friday night, to an early morning text about brunch on Saturday, to
“how do you feel about going to 10 o’clock service with me on Sunday?”
Take your time, you’ll scare the other person away if you start
smothering them right out the gate.
#5 Set Absurd Rules - Steve Harvey time! Let’s get this out of the way right now, Steve
Harvey and his 90-day rule is the dumbest thing on the planet. You might
end up waiting 90-days to have sex with someone, but if that’s a hard
rule in your book, you got problems. Let me break this down for you. If you tell me you’re trying a 90-day rule before you have sex with
me, I’m going to ask you a question: “Why?” You’re going to attempt to
answer that question and no matter what you say in your head, I’m going
to think that in your past you’ve had problems keeping your legs closed.
If you need a rule as silly as that one to make sure you make the right
decisions when it comes to sex, we can’t date. I’m not saying that you
should have sex on the first date. You should have sex
when you’re ready, when you trust him, and when you know you won’t regret it.
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