Five Things The NFL Can Teach You About Relationships

In Chicago, the summer means doing something outside of sports for men. It's been a very sucky summer here with both the Cubs and White Sox in the tank. Football is life in Chicago, and since NFL pre-season games have started, I wanted to take some time and reflect on some of the lessons I’ve learned from the NFL last season. 2012 was a hell of a year. Not only did I get a new High Definition TV just in time to watch my favorite team (The Chicago Bears) implode all over my face, I also disintegrated a  relationship in real time. That was fun. And so, as a result of spending too many Sunday afternoons crying into a bowl of melted ice cream while wearing my jersey (over the game, not the relationship) I bring you the following five insights:

1. The Two Quarterback System DOES NOT WORK.

For those of you who don’t know, the quarterback is the guy who throws the ball. Ok, I'm joking, but he’s kind of the nucleus of the entire situation. It’s his job to make a play happen. While it’s important to develop players and have a deep bench (in the event of injury), you only need one starting quarterback. When applied to relationships, this means you’ve got to play your position. I’m not into gender roles and things like that, but two people vying for the same spot just leads to chaos. The entire situation stops being about advancing the team, and instead it becomes about advancing the individual. You can’t win at love, life, or football with that dynamic. It’s stressful for everyone involved.

2. You are NOT entitled to your starting spot.

The 49er’s were in the Super Bowl last year, but somewhere poor Alex Smith was crying and sticking pins in a Colin Kaepernick voodoo doll. Why? Because after Smith suffered a concussion against the Saint Louis Rams, 49er's coaches put in Kaepernick, his backup (against the Bears no less), and never looked back. I remember hearing the news on Thanksgiving that “Kaepernick will be starting next week. This is not due to Alex Smith’s injury.” It was messed up, but the 49er’s got to the Super Bowl, so it was obviously the better choice. My point is this: our jobs, our relationships, and our roles are NOT guaranteed so we have to do well every-single-time. I’m not saying you can’t get injured or have a bad day, but understand that people have short memories and no patience; otherwise, you might lose your spot (see former Bears coach Lovie Smith). I wake up every day and try to figure out how to be a better partner to The One. Say what you want about me, but I'm a man who wants to remain in the game…

3. Good football teams protect the football.

So you’d think in this convoluted analogy, the “team” would represent the relationship, but you’re wrong. I’m convinced that a relationship is it’s own entity — a football. It’s something outside of the two individuals. You work together to push the ball forward. Have you ever seen a player intercept the football late in the fourth quarter, run the ball down the field and instead of going for the touchdown, he stops before the end zone to avoid giving the opposing team another chance at getting the ball? Instead of running for the points and the glory, they hit the ground to end the play. That’s because sometimes going for the big play (the huge applause or risky points) can cost you in the end. Sometimes it’s better to just play smart. Small advances are often more meaningful and effective than grand gestures. Though we’re in this era of fantasy football and Facebook courtships, it’s not all about the lights and camera-ready actions. It’s about the small, hard fought advances. It’s about managing the clock and adjusting the plays. It’s about protecting the football – protecting the relationship even when doing so doesn’t result in applause and attention. I’m thoroughly convinced that if more people saw their relationship as something beyond their egos that needed protection, we’d all be better off.

4. Not even faith can obscure obvious lack of skill.

Remember Tim Tebow, the overrated beloved quarterback who lucked into carrying his team to the playoffs? Isn’t it odd how even with all of his “success” The Denver Broncos still traded him, and the team that inherited him didn’t utilize him, so they traded him again? Well, that’s because he’s trash. Sometimes like in relationships, we get so caught up in the narrative. We date a Tim Tebow and although we know he sucks, but we stick by him because he looks good on paper, or our friends love him, or we’ve “already invested so much”. We have faith in him because he’s such a nice guy. We ride it out when it’s obvious he can’t get the job done. I’m all about having faith, but God also blessed me with pragmatism. If it’s not working, have faith that someone else can do it better.

5. You CAN still be awesome after an injury.

Am I the only person in the world who thought Peyton Manning would be out of the game by now? No, I’m not. Even the Indianapolis Colts, his former team, didn’t think that he was the future of their franchise. With all of the doubt and speculation, Peyton recovered from his neck injury, was signed by the Denver Broncos, and became co-MVP last year. Granted, if Tim Tebow could take the Broncos into the playoffs last season, Manning isn’t exactly a miracle worker, but that’s not the point. The point is that no matter how bad the relationship injury, it IS possible for you to recover. You may be out of the game for a season, but if you’re willing to take the risk of re-injury, you can be awesome again. Whether you end up on a new team, or if you’re like me; heading back to your original franchise, you CAN come back. And clearly, you can come back with style after learning a few lessons. 

I’m no sports writer, but these are my observations...

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