Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Is Chivalry, Among Other Things Dead?

What ever happened to chivalry? Where did all the gentlemen go? Does anyone out there remember the word "dating" anymore? Does anyone know what "dating" means? In fact, whatever happened to plain old-fashioned good manners? We live in an society where in order to land a $15 per hour job, you need a $100,000 college education, and yet it seems that no one has any common sense anymore. In fact, sometimes the multi-degreed, most educated people out there, seem to be the most clueless when it comes to common courtesy, appropriate behavior, and consideration of the feelings of others.

We seem to be living in a "grab-all-you-can, because I deserve it all for free" society. You can blame our economic environment if you want to, but personally I believe it’s a symptom of the evolution of man that needs to be reversed, more sooner rather than later. What do good manners and common sense have to do with love, sex, dating and relationships? Everything. It seems that we need a graduate level education on dating and relationship etiquette – something that unfortunately is never taught in school. And I wonder, when did parents stop teaching polite manners, consideration for others, and social skills at home?  Having a son of my own, during the summer I began to notice a lack of etiquette and communication skills in many of my son's friends at summer camp. Not that surprising, since most of them have had cell phones by the time they are in the fifth grade. Could it be that the cyber world of texting, email, and social media with all of its acronyms like LOL, OMG, LMAO, and TTYL is turning our society into the communication challenged? Maybe we have created a generation or two who are so addicted to the television, Wii, X-Box, the iPad, etc. that we have to offer them a reward for simply getting off their little asses and going outside to play. I've been back in the dating world for a few years now, and it appears that no one wants to work for anything anymore and they all feel entitled to a reward for minimal or no effort. Case in point: men who cannot spend $15 to take you to a movie or ask you out anywhere to take time to get to know you, but expect instantaneous sexual gratification. It seems as though this new style of connecting between the sexes, which we call "hanging out" and "hooking up" has spread like wildfire throughout every generation across the male species.

Has our high-tech world of instant gratification, handicapped us when it comes to interpersonal relationships? Has easy access to online porn caused women to think that they have to open their legs and give up the goods if they are offered a $7 drink or a dinner at Red Lobster? Are women so desperate that they are afraid if that they don’t engage in sex fast enough, they’ll lose a man’s interest and he’ll head out in search of a woman with looser morals? Or is it just that today’s man has evolved into an underachiever who gives up too easily and targets the easy goal?

I’m not saying that women don’t get horny. In fact, sometimes women just want to get laid without strings or drama, just like men. I’m all about embracing one’s sexuality in a healthy way. I can certainly extol the virtues of a high libido that just increases with age. But there are many ways to get your sexual needs met. So if you are a woman who has had a string of liaisons that left you in tears, one-night stands that left you feeling empty, or any interactions with men that has damaged your self-esteem and left you feeling ‘used’ or unhappy, you might want to rethink your strategy and find a healthier solution.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like to think of women as a valuable prize to be won. And to win the prize, you have to put in some effort. If you are not at all familiar with the art of dating, wooing, and winning a woman, go to Netflix and pull up a few Cary Grant movies from the 1950s. I know these are stereotypical portraits of men and women in the 20th century, and women's roles have changed greatly since then. I know that women are much more open-minded now. So what? Does that mean that common courtesy, good manners and polite communication should be abandoned? I don’t think so.

Anyone who reads my blog knows that I’m no prude. I’m not talking about abstinence here. I’m talking about common sense on the part of both sexes: valuing ourselves as human beings, and having some respect for sex itself. I have said this before, and I will say this again: We teach people how to treat us. All I’m saying is if you want a worthwhile experience with a man or woman whom you deem worthy of your time and attention, put in a little effort. If you are a man who is looking to make an impression a smoking hot woman, know that she’s not lying around at home in her matching push-up bra and thong on a Saturday night at 11 PM waiting for you to text her "what R U doing" so that you can come over and have sex. And if you are a woman who would like to feel valued, set the expectations properly right from the beginning. If a man is worth your time, and he is truly interested in you, he should learn how to call you and ask you out for a proper date. If he wants "the prize", he should have to win it. Value yourselves ladies! I hear so many women complain about men not treating them well, or being taken for granted. If you begin a relationship by rewarding someone for mediocrity, do you really think they will ever have the motivation to work harder?

And for my male readers who say they don’t understand what women want, it’s pretty simple. Women want to feel sexy and desirable. They want to feel valued, and be treated with respect. These are the basic rules in any type of relationship – whether dating, committed, or long-term relationship – marriage is no exception. Men want the sex kitten in the bedroom and the perfect lady out in public, but most women I know (especially experienced older women) want that too, and it comes naturally to them. You can unleash your bad boy self to play with the sex kitten once both of you have decided to take it to the bedroom. But act like a gentleman and treat her like a lady first. Yes, women enjoy sex! But unless you are a rock star, or a Chippendale dancer, I can guarantee you – all women have more options than you do in order to have a good time on any given night, and with a lot less effort. So buck up men, and make an effort. If you need help, I offer dating coaching, so I've made myself available on wispert.com to answer any and all questions as it pertains to this subject, plus a whole lot more in the dating and relationship world...

wizpert.com/delvin
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