Don't Hate On A Blogger's Hustle

Inevitably, every blogger who is serious about blogging or writing will quickly find out they’re going to be extremely busy in order to be successful. Whether you’re writing or attending events, it’s going to complicate your life until it becomes your full-time gig, and even then self-promotion and branding is a lot of work. The second you’re not promoting yourself, someone else is promoting themselves, so for all intents and purposes, saturation is the name of the game. Let me go ahead and leave a personal note here; let’s say you want to have a private life with all this going on. Here’s what doesn’t really work well; trying to maintain a job that can pay a bill or two, write and promote a blog, a bunch of random ratchets, fans, and wanting a woman in your life. When I was younger, I contemplated just remaining single until I got to where I wanted to be in life because it would allow me to focus. That plan was stupid as hell. Maybe it’s just me, but keeping up with more than one woman is tough and when the drama comes, (and it will come), that’s just a big headache. Essentially, what you realize is that you just need “a friend”. Just one or none. When trying to find this “friend,” I have a short list of requirements:

1. Don’t stress me out.
2. Don’t stress me out.

That’s really it. That’s all I really need to be a happy man. Most men feel this way too. Most women think they can do this, and for over half of y’all who are single and never been married, trust me it ain’t all that easy. Now if I should so happen to find all of this in a woman…that’s when the hard part starts. Everything is great between the two of you, and everything would be just fine if it would just remain the two of you. But trust me when I tell you, when you’re a blogger with a need to be in the spotlight to increase your hustle, it’s never just the two of you.

I don't disclose my relationship status anymore: My relationship status on Facebook has been blank, and I probably never will change it. The good thing about this is that only a few people who really know me, know what my relationship status. The only reason why I won’t change it is because I don’t trust my news feed and people always act crazy with relationship status updates. This doesn't cause any problem in my relationship because my significant other wouldn’t want me intentionally or unintentionally garnering any of the wrong type of attention. As it pertains to actually posting here on the blog, all I can say is if you are a reader, then you already know what my relationship status is. 

I have a publicly private life: This is something that you guys really have to know about me, I almost always talk about my current situation on this blog. I’d love to tell you why I feel the way I do about a lot of topics and issues that arise in relationships. I put my situation out here because it’s not just about me. As readers, you really want that information but when you honestly think about it, it’s not fair at all to expect you to open up about you and I don't open up to you about me or my situation.

I work hard at being alone: When I'm out and about and see a reader or a follower, they have a tendency to want to talk to me, and that's alright. They definitely mean well, but when you’re just trying to grab a few drinks, it can be a little overwhelming. I’ll find myself searching for places completely off the map so that I know I won’t be interrupted or disturbed. And really, it’s all about that look the company you're entertaining gives you when someone interrupts you, because in their mind you have control over the people you randomly bump into.

I'm different from the blogger in me: Those of you who've met me outside of the blog, and had a conversation with me have some sort of an idea. If not, this is basically what I look for in a healthy relationship; I like my relationship to be a refuge and escape from work and the persona that is the Cakeboss. For this very reason, I would probably never date someone who knows me just as Cakeboss, or as a blogger, or someone who is real heavy in the blogging circle. I love you all dearly, but I need to get away from it. As a blogger, Cakeboss is spontaneous, provoking, instigating, subscribing to a whole bunch of rules in the dating game, and a whole bunch of other stuff that inspires conversation on the Internet. When the laptop is turned off and Delvin comes on, I actually try to stay in my introvertive shell. I’m by no means boring, but I’m calm, cool and collected. I like communicating clearly and without having to be forced, but each situation is different and each one deserves a custom approach. The main takeaway without getting into much more detail about it is that Cakeboss and Delvin are different, and I believe to a certain point that they need to be.

When you’re balancing all that’s going on in your personal life with your professional life, at times, you’d much rather be drinking Ciroc and pineapple juice somewhere. I could elect to just not date, but that’s really not a viable option for me. I enjoy the benefits of dating; companionship, good conversation, somebody to do fun things with, and long walks on the beach between uploading drafts to Google's Blogsopt. Of course it’s a pain point that this blog affects my private life, but it’s a casualty of war. I set up a counseling meeting a couple of weeks ago and a young lady said to me, “Your dating life must be great, you’ve got women basically throwing themselves at you.” I looked away and thought to myself, “You really have no clue as to how untrue that statement really is”. Most days this is exactly how I feel…

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