The Single Life vs The Relationship Life (Guest Blogger)

My thanks to Karen Noble for her relationship point of view. I was made aware of her article on Tumblr and I had to share it with the Relationshippers here on this page. I'm sure that once you read it, you may endorse it as well.... 

Granted, I am in a very happy relationship and maybe shouldn’t be the spokesperson for single people. I don’t know, but let me make my claim because someone needs to say something in our favor! Before this relationship now, I was "THAT SINGLE GIRL" in your group of friends who was never dating anyone ever. You know that girl. You wonder about that girl. You have questions about how she lives her life. You don’t get why she just doesn’t get a boyfriend. I was "that girl". I have over two decades of experience being MAD SINGLE. Like the type of single where you’re not even remotely texting someone you might be interested in, because there was no one to text. The type of single where if my light bulb went out in my bedroom and I couldn’t reach it, I'd forget about it because there was no one to do that for me. The type of single where I did not hang out with any man in a one-on-one situation for an unbearable amount of time. The type where an elbow brush with a barista at Starbucks became erotic because no one ever touched me. I was so, SO single.

Then one day, all that changed for literally the first time in my life, and now I have a boyfriend. But I did not have a high school sweetheart at all. I dated sporadically and unsuccessfully in college, fluctuating between a lot of tears and frustration and not being able to understand why I was so unlovable, and gleefully listening to other people complain about their relationships while I wore full-on acne masks to bed in a comforter covered in Cheez-it dust and did not give one single (well you know). So yes I'm in a relationship now, and it's my first one ever. But single people, I feel as though I have a right to speak on your behalf. And although I love my boyfriend, I am actually incredibly glad for all the time I spent by my lonesome. I say this because secretly...kinda maybe...we don’t want to admit it, but I still think being single is better. 

The time I spent single in high school and college really let me get to know myself. And I do now have a great grasp on who I am as a person. I can do things alone. Do I wanna see a movie? Great! I can go alone. Do I want to sit at a diner and work? Great! I can go have a cup of coffee and a booth to myself. Is it Saturday and I have no plans and no one’s around? Great! The museum is fun to go to on my own. And sure, I love my friends but if they’re not able to hang out...I am a-okay because being single taught me that skill, and it’s a useful one to have. It makes you independent. It makes you decisive. It makes you sure of what you like and don’t like without someone else’s stuff getting all muddled in your brain space.

 

I also got a lot done. I was so free to do what I want. I joined clubs. I spent tons of nights with groups of people interested in the things I was interested in and I had a lot of fun. I worked on my career. I never spent hours and hours embroiled in a fight with a partner. I never cried over a boy or a man for weeks, forgetting my school work or internship. At the time maybe I wanted to feel those emotions or have that love drama, but now I’m like, that craziness was a waste of everyone’s time. While you waited for a text from some dude, I wrote a kick-ass thesis, applied for a zillion amazing grants and organized my sorority’s awesome formal. I never checked in with anyone. I never had to compromise my evenings. I never did anything I didn’t want to do (unless I knew it was for a friend I loved, obviously). The world of singledom gave me oodles of time, and time let me do some worthwhile stuff that I’m glad I got the chance to do.

I also got to meet tons of really cool people. Sure, it’s nice to spend all your days with one special guy or gal, but when you’re single, the world of human interaction is your oyster. You can go out and meet different, new and exciting people every night if you want, or you can stay in and chat with your friends who totally get you. Meet anyone and everyone! Spend time with a diverse group of people! Hear new and weird stories from new and weird people! There’s no answering to anyone else, so go have fun! I had some of my best nights while single — a mix of treating myself to wine and chocolate at home, and getting dolled the hell up and meeting friends I adore for some crazy, not-safe-for Facebook evenings. I also learned to change that aforementioned light bulb myself. Don’t take that stuff for granted! All I’m saying is, until you’re really ready to be in a relationship or until one is headed your way like a freight train, don’t worry about it. You’re not tethered, you're not tied down, and you're also not pathetic! Being single rules, and I suspect many of our boo-ed up brethren would secretly agree.

Email your relationship views to relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com for consideration, so you can be published as a RL guest blogger.

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