The End of the Year Relationship Address

I'll be honest, I've been through a bit of a challenging time in 2013. All in all, you've known me as a relationship coach, and hopefully as a confidant, but you also know that my most important identity in life is being the dad of a soon to be 13 year old. My son always has been the light of my life, and I never knew the limitless depth of the love I could feel until the day he was born. I would do anything for him, and sacrifice everything for him without a second thought. But as beautiful as that may sound, it can also be trying at times too. I adore him and want nothing more than his happiness but sometimes I can forget about me, and if I'm not careful, I'll slip up and lose complete sense of myself in the process of being everything to him.

So, who am I? I can tell you that I'm more than just Jonathan's dad. I can tell you that I'm a man, a son, a brother, a friend and a writer too. Yes I can iron all of my son's school uniforms and make his favorite "daddy man special" sandwich for lunch in 15 seconds with one hand tied behind my back, but I must also remember that I love to read, travel, and sometimes break out with a mean Barry White song at karaoke every now and then. Why am I telling you all of this, and how could it possibly relate to your journey in finding a real relationship? Because I have decided to make one resolution for the new year, and I believe that if you do the same thing, it could possibly bring you closer to having the relationship you truly deserve:

In the year 2014 I resolve to be true to who I am, and remember that I matter! Just as I can lose myself in trying to make my son happy, you may be losing yourself to your children, to your relationship (or the quest of finding one), and it's time for that to stop!

• Do you find yourself acting like someone you're not, in order to impress a first date or make a new person like you more? This is a dangerous habit. You can't keep up the act forever, and more importantly, you must believe that you're worthy of love just as you are.

• Do you put your needs on hold, or deny them entirely in order to focus on making someone happy? It's a sure fire recipe for future resentment, and will quickly have them seeing you as a caretaker rather than an equal partner.

• Do you get so wrapped up in the relationship that you spend all of your time with them, letting go of many other things you once cared about in the process? Part of this is because you're excited and love the feeling of being together, but if you're honest with yourself, you'll also recognize that some of it is the fear that it's too good to be true, and once they're out of your sight...poof, it will all disappear!

• Do you shy away from disagreements because you're afraid that conflict will make them go away? This silences your voice in the relationship, and ultimately makes it impossible for them to respect you.

These are only a few examples on how people can easily lose themselves, or decide that they don't matter in a relationship. In 2013, Relationship Lessons has been about recognizing how to meet the needs that are your own responsibility to meet (security, self-esteem, and happiness with your own life), and knowing how to find and ask the right person to fill the other needs that only a romantic partner can fulfill.

I've decided that for 2014, I'm going to rediscover myself in my own life. I'm going to continue soaking up every ounce of joy that my son can bring into my life, but I am not going to count on him to be my life. This is the year I'm going to remember that I matter, and make my own happiness a priority too. My son won't fall to pieces if I leave him with grandma and pa-pa so I can take a walk or a drive and get some fresh air to clear my head for a while, because I matter! I used to be afraid of "party of one" dinners or going to the movies by myself, but not anymore because I matter! I think I'm allowed to say that I'm not available to volunteer to help convicted felons find employment if I need time to work on my book, because I matter! If I am having a frustrating day and need some support in the form of a friend's shoulder to cry on, or an friend's ear to bounce ideas off, or if I need 30 minutes or so to read whats going on with everyone on the Relationship Lessons page on Facebook and find some inspiration, then I'm going to ask for help. I've found that asking for help doesn't make me weak as much as it makes me human, and that's alright with me because once again I matter!

So why don't you make this resolution with me?
1. That you'll do something good just for you, knowing that a healthy relationship will not crumble if you make yourself a priority.
2. That if someone is not treating you with love and respect, that you will say "ouch" when it hurts you emotionally. You have a voice, and you deserve to be heard in every phase of your relationships.  
3. That you'll reach out and ask for support when you need it from your partner, your friends, or your family. There tends to be a lot less drama when you allow the people who love you to help you.

What a year its been for the blog! This year it topped 170,000 reads in 13 countries for 2013, and it just blows me away! 37,000 supporters worldwide on Facebook, and it all humbles me to think everyone anticipates reading anything this crazy mind has to say. I've said it before and I'll say it again, thank you for reading along and making these lessons what they are. I wish all of you the happiest and most beautiful relationship year in 2014 filled with countless blessings, and love so abundant you can hardly stand it!

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